In the Spirit

Written from the Spirit, as raw as the night would allow...

"There are somethings that momma can't make right, daddy can't protect you from, education can't work you through, your status can't make disappear, money can't buy, love can't guard you from, friends can't talk you out of, church can't sing you out of, sunshine can't dry up, tools can't fix, food can't pacify and things can't satisfy...There are just somethings in this life, that you have to work out in the spirit...YMC



Powerful

...For there will be rumors of a powerful wind, that will bring about change, and that will minister to the hearts of all people.  It will mend, heal, restore, make new, resurrect and transform, the unchangeable...It will speak to the mountains and move them, it will reach into the valleys and retrieve them, it will close the doors of the fiery furnace behind them, so that they will no longer be tempted to burn themselves.  It will change purposes, give meaning, offer hope and rebuke afflictions.  It will protect them and quiet the lions in the den, provide and bring life, to where a drought that has existed and offer their destiny to them, without smoke screens. It will erase old hurt, relieve their bruised shoulders from carrying toxic baggage, and enable them to breathe again. It will...It can...It shall...BE...because its TIME...

The Shift
Lately, I've been feeling a shift in my spirit...something that has happened to me before, but nothing of this magnitude.  It's strange at times, because the more that I grow, the more sensitive to everything and everyone around me I become.  From being able to feel and see things in the spirit before they happen, to knowing what others are thinking, and knowing what someone is going to say before they say it.  To the tremendous unction in my spirit to intercede and send powerful energies to others, to the praise that begins to stir in my soul, before a breakthrough manifests.  Although its somewhat prophetic, the gift I know for sure is growing rapidly, for the edification of the body of Light, and nothing more. 

Purpose
I only speak what I feel in the spirit to others, when I'm led, because I understand that accountability and responsibility of the words that I speak.  I believe that I increase, if I am able to bless someone else, and the more I die to self and pay attention, the more discerning I become.  I share this selflessly, to sow a seed of obedience into the atmosphere, as my ground is good and I am expecting a Miracle. 

The Awesome Truth
One thing I know about God, is that there is no confusion in him, no vague descriptions or variations of His divine will.  There are no broken promises, no missed attempts to bless us and He can do anything but fail.  He doesn't operate on emotion, He doesn't disappear, He doesn't hide, He will never leave or forsake you, He's always available, doesn't practice exclusivity, He's Everywhere at all times and Loves us ALL.  He's been better to me than I've been to myself, and is always on time and in season. I could sit here and testify over and over again, on how He has come into my life like a mighty rushing wind and made a way out of no way, but I'll send that sweet spirit of hope in the wind.

So Good To Me
One of the things that I love about my personal relationship with the Lord, is how He deals with me.  See the more I discover what His will is, the less I try to convince others of what to do, as the heart of a people can only be changed, by the one that Created that heart...Honestly, that is how my heart and mind were changed.  Through everything that I've been through in my life, one of the things that I will never forget, is how I made it through...Not only sometimes with a scar as a reminder of where I'd been, but the fact that I didn't perish.  I know that there have been people that have sowed in tears and prayer for my life and for my soul, at moments, when all I could do, is mumble "thank ya", because there were louder things in my life. I only know this, because For many years I've had a praying spirit, but honestly have never really connected with the phenomenal reality of its fruit.  I recognized that God responds to faith and acknowledgement, and never good works, good intentions and money. (Feel that somebody)

The Children of God
This evening its been placed upon my heart to take time to send a prayer out for the following:
Those that are tired and want to give up
Those that feel that life can't and won't get any better
Those that have lost hope
to those that need help but have none
for those that are starving for encouraging words and silver linings
to the spiritually and emotionally numb
to the mentally blind
to the leaders who stopped believing
to the wayward children who are hungry for attention
to the mentors who are lost within themselves
to the relationships that are broken but meant to be
to the gifted and talented that are stuck, stifled and complacent
to the sick who've been given a time of death
to the hurting who continue to damage the lives of others
to those that believe that God doesn't love them because of who they are or where they've been
to the good stewards who have lost everything
to those that want to speak with God but don't believe that He's listening
To those that don't know or understand How good His love is
To those only see value in calling upon him during difficult times
to anyone who desires more, but believes less
to the weak, battered, abused, misdirected, mislead, etc
to our misguided youth who need direction but are discouraged because they find no real models of hope
to the parents of special needs children whose days are running together and patience thin
to anyone, anywhere who desires a closer relationship with God, but feels that they've gone too far to turn back around...

My Prayer
May the presence of God rest upon your hearts and fill you with a new Hope, may your soul open wide and may you have a conversation with God, and tell Him how you feel. May every broken and wounded thing be healed, and may you never have any more lack, all the days of your life. May your substances and gifts be fruitful and multiply, and your words be in season. May you get closer to God and begin to value your time and relationship with Him. May you become better and more fruitful in every single area of your life and may everywhere you place your feet, be blessed. May you get what you need, in its fullness and always have more than enough and prosper beyond your wildest dreams. May you have the courage to grow, and may the peace that surpasses ALL understanding be yours.

My Dearest PHAMLI,
   I pray that you receive my prayers and good intentions in their entirety.  Please know that each and every one of us has a story and need prayer. We are important to God and He feels and knows what we don't dare to speak of.  Remember that beyond all that You are, all that you have, all that makes you powerful and wonderful...You are still HIS creation and HE doesn't make mistakes...I ask that you take a moment out of your life and make time to reflect and pray. I understand this season of life and know that prayer works, even when the things that you are praying for seem to take forever, He always knows best, and everything will work together for your own good.  Today this is well with my soul...

Until Next Time

Be Well

Belazadu'm

Yahminah McIntosh

Talitha Cumi (The Rebirth of YMC)

...For the HEALING that restored the brokenness, and the LOVE that embraced you and provided for your every need, and the PEACE that surpassed all that was fathomable and has calmed your soul during the season of GROWTH, will position itself to guard THEE, and the POWER that raised them ALL from a SWEET SLUMBER is YOURS TODAY! Daughter Dance and sing the praises with your expression, smile to encourage the nations and stand and do all that you can to stand. May your everyday be filled with FAVOR and may you be Blessed,

On Top and Have all things Under Your Feet!

Well done and may all be well with your soul, Indeed...YMC

Talitha Cumi, Yahminah McIntosh ARISE!

...for Today everything that I knew to be normal has changed, and I no longer dream with my eyes closed and I'm READY to see" YMC



"As survivors of anything tragic, life changing, catastrophic or so deep that you have lost your mind and can not find your Living Heart Beat", we have an astonishing capacity to maintain our equilibrium in the face of life's mutability and unceasing and unforeseeable vicissitudes. This agility, is always in stark and frequently comical contradistinction to those who are held captive to the naive and brittle delusional "mind set" that life can't get better, people can not change and Things Lost in the Fire can not be Found Unharmed..." Believe in the Impossible, because it CAN HAPPEN!

Minah in the Raw
The truth is, that a sistah has been off kilter for a season, out of sink with the creator and not necessarily doing what it is that she knows she needs to do. (Embarrassing to some degree, but true; However, when you know what you need to do, and obtain the directions from The Creator, there is no stopping you.) My prayer life has suffered and I had began an unhealthy disconnect with the Creator. I "Created" my own sense of certainty and assurance because of the knowledge and wisdom that I believed that I had gained from the journeys that I've experienced. I ran around trying to fix and calm THE SEAS in my life that were becoming more turbulent as the days went by and pushed the JOY that knocked on my doors in the morning to the way side so that I could sacrifice myself in the name of all that I believed was good.

The taller I stood, the shorter I became as I leaned on my own Understanding of what was happening, treating the Lord as if I needed to carry this load all on my own and that HIM doing so was interrupting HIM working on the lives of others. Interesting, I tell You, these "GROWING PAINS", all of which were unfamiliar to me, but no Victory ever comes without a measure of PAIN, GROWTH & CHANGE... I am grateful for the experiences and know that THIS HERE GROWTH AND EMERGENCE WILL BE NO JOKE. SHE'S COMING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE AND IT SHALL BE POWERFUL AND SWEET INDEED! That's Right (Wink)!

I'm grateful for another moment in time and as I continue to work out some things in the spirit, I am satisfied with the results. I found that no matter what things looked like or even felt like, that they were forming together for MY greater good. Romans 8:28 & Philippians 4:19 (Azuelo Lord)

A Speaking Heart

Recently a reader commented on the spiritual nature of my writing as of late, and asked why the change. I answered, letting them know that I have always acknowledged the Father in everything that I've done and that for every time and season there is an appointed matter of the heart, mind and soul that need to be addressed.

I am sure that now is the SEASON WHEN MY LIFE HAS TO COMPLETELY CHANGE AND I MUST SHED THE SKINS OF OLD, AND RECEIVE A NEW WINE, SO THAT I CAN BE MORE EFFECTIVE IN AFFECTING THE LIVES OF OTHERS.

See, I have no interest in staying the same, or losing my fizz (Like a cold Pepsi, left open), or even speaking words that are never heard but look pretty. I am even more intentional about preparing myself (like Esther before meeting the KING), so that WHAT I DO IN THIS LIFE, WILL FALL UPON FERTILE GROUND AND GROW.

A small fish can't grow in a big tank if its not fed and stays at the bottom, under the rocks that dress the tank..(Get that somebody!). There is only so much that I can do by myself, and the fact of the matter is that I am nothing without HIM, and every talent and piece of wisdom that I've been gifted are wonderful and marvelous, but I DESIRE THE CHARACTER OF A LION AND THE RESILIENCE OF AN EAGLE and that is what is developing in me NOW.

BACK TO THE MIDDLE

I pray that you are Moved to PAUSE, REFLECT AND CHANGE, the things in your life that are calling for your attention!!!!! As a matter of fact, you need to take out your spiritual CHECK BOOK AND CREDIT CARD and once you're given the TOTAL, PAY IT, ATTENTION THAT IS! Sometimes you have to sit down, or stand still and look around you, and listen to EVERYTHING and BE WATCHFUL. Remember you can't change what you don't acknowledge and there is NO WAY ON THIS EARTH THAT YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED TO DO ON YOUR OWN, without being connected to A LIVING VINE.

I don't care how great you think you are, how much money you have or who you know, because in the end the truth is that there are "NO BIG SHOTS IN REALITY". That's right!

If you want to change, be successful, be happy, have joy, be healthy, or experience the Abundance in this life, you have to be willing to sacrifice a season of comfort in exchange for many seasons of PROSPERITY IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE AS YOU GROW. Azuelo Lord, Indeed!

The Truth

I know it to be true and evident that, Every Single Solitary Thing Done, Said and Thought of in the Dark, will BE MANIFESTED IN THE LIGHT, and WHATEVER SHALL BE, WILL BE, AT ITS APPOINTED TIME AND SEASON. Speak what you want to happen, with FAITH in mind, and get back to the middle. Restore your relationship with the creator. Spend some time meditating, praying or in the quiet, or whatever you have done that has BEEN EFFECTIVE IN GETTING YOU BACK TO THE PLACE THAT YOU NEED TO BE, and when you GET TO THAT PLACE, be INTENTIONAL ABOUT MOVING FAR BEYOND WHERE YOU WERE. PLEASE!

ANEW

I see myself in a NEW Light, with different EYES now and it is the most amazing feeling. Sometimes people wait their whole entire lives to find that Special Thing that will be the catalyst in their evolvement, like a person, finances, job, etc...; but In this case, it was none of those things that got me to this point, but my OWN Will and desire to MOVE HIGHER, LIVE and find the things that the Devil stole from me and take my POWER Back, and MAKE ROOM FOR THE GREAT THINGS THAT WERE WAITING FOR ME!

I now realize that, EVERYTHING ELSE is just icing on the CAKE, motherhood, my life, my love, my gifts, my ministry, my health, my possessions, etc.... Lately I've been talking alot about growth, maturity, evolving and the seasons of life, mainly because of where I am and where it is that I am going.

TRIALS & SEASONS

A Trial will always, move you out of your COMFORT Zone and give you a choice to "PHLUFF' your pillow where you are, or give you the tools that you need, so that you can GROW. Today I PHOUND solitude in the GRACE OF MY OWN GIFTS and for the first time in my life, I've BEEN ABLE TO CELEBRATE THE FRUITFULNESS OF MY OWN ACTIONS. While looking at the thawing lake, I found SATISPHACTION and EXCITEMENT as I thought about the LOVE, PEACE, PHREEDOM AND STRENGTH inside of ME that I'm finding.

I realized that I was in a place that I had never been before and I HAVE NO FEAR, NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH...I am forever Changed, because I CHOSE TO LIVE, AND LIVE I SHALL INDEED...The more that I was forced to pay attention to myself and my life, the more intimate I became with WHO I WAS, WHERE I WAS GOING, WHAT I WANTED AND BEGAN TO LEARN HOW TO SHIELD MYSELF AND REPAIR ME...

The Petals Inside

See...Oftentimes we are beat up by life, hurt during the course of our transitions, defeated while fighting chosen battles and almost drowned during wicked storms.

Many times we decide to make a choice to just lay down, stop breathing, stop feeling, and close our eyes and give up the greatest parts of ourselves that we've never had the opportunity to experience. We begin wearing our bruises as "Badges of Honor", carrying our PAIN as if it is a GIFT, and stay hidden in the shadows of life, weighted by the chips that dominate our shoulders, and carry packs of defeat across our whipped backs.

This sometimes causes us to bury the aspirations of being HEALED, being Fulfilled, CHANGING and Starting Over, and leaving us motionless and almost lifeless. Sometimes we begin to LIMP on our journey's creating Chasms along our way, disabling us to walk through the threshold of HOPE. The solution is LIVING OUTSIDE OF YOUR STORM, NOT BEING DROWNED BY THE RAIN, BUT ALLOWING THE DOWNPOUR TO CLEANSE YOUR RECESSES OF HEART...

WITH WISDOM!
I realize that LIFE is interesting and there will be times that tougher than others...I am being blessed with the opportunity to take a step back and take a moment to remove myself from the hustle and bustle of life and be still. I made up in my mind that seeing the Culmination of my JOY was a MUST! I realized that I was maturing Significantly and certain things no longer moved me or tickled my fancy. I began to listen to the music that I've been hearing in my spirit lately and prioritized which one I would face first. I'm RECONCILING my past, ATONING FOR THE THINGS I'VE DONE and beginning to Heal AND GROW even more on a DIFFERENT LEVEL, and releasing those things that beset me.

..Although my previous Seasons were immersed in some of the most consuming, astounding, unique and enlightening experiences, they were all REMARKABLE and Fascinating even at their most difficult of times. Thank YA! I've had some Character Building Experiences, where I've retired my cape, to be stitched and have elevated my feet above my heart, so that I could prepare for my journey FORWARD. If Esther could do it, I KNOW THAT I CAN TOO and I DIDN'T PERISH and I WON'T PERISH!

...those of us who give out, encourage, inspire and motivate, can become immune to the affect that our actions produce, leaving us to be restored, using the only resources that we are familiar with, which are OUR OWN GIFTS...YMC

THE JOURNEY FORWARD
As the ice forms on my steps, I see the glimmer from the moonlight and the exhaust from my own breath as I get my mail. I'm enjoying a cup of my favorite YOGI peppermint tea, as I stand in my kitchen leaning on my counter top looking out of the window, attending to the call of the Moon...It's dark and peaceful and my favorite candles are burning throughout. I took my tea and began walking through my house, it was almost like, I was walking in slow motion and saw a lighted pathway on my wooden floors, leading me down a familiar path. Jill Scott's "Come to the Light" is playing and as I reached my computer, it was like taking the white sheets off of, antique furniture in a forgotten Mansion, where the prominent once lived, but now have passed on.

In my spirit, I envisioned the BELOVED ancestor's applauding, praying for me and whistling! I found strength in this Vibrant Sound that resonated through the veins of my engrossment.

HERE I AM

To be honest, I never thought that I would write again, love me again, hear again or see again. I never thought that I could appreciate who I was, or forgive myself for my own actions. I never thought that I could forget, or even be real enough to express this HERE PIECE. I never thought that I'd pick up another pen or sit and invest my expressions into words that would be shared with the world.

I've written many times in my head, and have shared my morsels but had not made the decision to PUSH... When I sat down, I closed my eyes and tears began to fall, because if you knew my story, and heard what I've heard and seen what I've seen, you would understand. One of the best things that I had to do was, OPEN MY LIFE & CHANGE MY MIND, ABOUT CHANGING MY MIND AND HEAR THE CALL IN MY SOUL AND BEGIN TO ASCEND!!!

GRASSHOPPER
I've learned how to Live, how to Love, how to Understand, how to Listen, how to be Patient, how Change my way of thinking, how to Be and Stay Honest, be Consistent, how to Grow, how to Forgive, how to Learn, how to Accept ME and Love ME more, how to Let Go, how to Choose my Battles and how to embrace life. I've learned lessons the HARD WAY, dipped in "I told You So" with Cherries on the TOP, and have been served "Check Mate" Sandwhiches with a hint of Ruthless Spice, washed down with, some good old Bitter Sweet HYPE Tea with Lemon Grenades!!!

The truth is that now at 34 years old, I never thought that I would say this, but I am looking forward to gettng older, because what you learn in the meantime, is PRICELESS! Indeed

The Value of what I've learned and am learning, brings a measure of relief, that can only come FROM THE STRENGTH THAT IT TAKES, TO SAUNTER THROUGH THE HARD STUFF!


bELOVED
We spend so much time trying to figure our lives out, find ourselves, change our pasts, and plan our futures; However, what we fail to realize is that doing none of the above will soften the many blows that will confront us. The only way to Grow is to Live, and the only way to Live is to be OPEN TO LEARN AND GROW. I believe that assessing yourself, eliminating negativity, immaturity, harmful self inflictions, and releasing selfishness are the only ways to live in this life.
It can be done, and it doesn't take $100 an hour to do, nor can you find this in a bottle, in a person or in a drug. You have to want to Open up your eyes to your own life and begin to hear and see, what you need to HEAR AND SEE. Experience is LITERALLY the best teacher, HOWEVER, this COACH DOES NOT TAKE KINDLY TO GIVING OUT F'S. You dig?!

It Gets Better...
One of the best things that I could ever do was Face myself. When I came to terms with the state in which I existed, it was mind blowing...I began to check and balance my life and began dealing with 1 issue at a time, until I checked the bucket and there were no more issues to be dealt with. By no means am I saying that I am perfect; However, there is nothing that is TRUE, that I deal with, that I am not willing to and have not CONFRONTED. I'm making room for my blessings, instead of leaving them on the way side because there's no room! Get that 1, ohkay!

"With wisdom a life is changed and by the hand of the wise a nation is restored." YMC

The "PHRUIT" of Reflection
Instead of finding myself at another memorial service for a dear loved one, or in deep reflection during a good song before viewing a body, or even sitting at the beach picking up sand and watching it fall through my fingers and become enthralled in the ideas of getting better, doing more and living healthier, I PRAYED FOR PEACE. The more that I began to deal with my own LIFE, THE EASIER IT BECAME TO RELEASE MY FEARS...
When I began to think about my life, and all that I've experienced, I made peace with the things in my life that I was not able to change. I knew that I needed to get back in alignment with the Creator. I found that there was discenscion between ME AND MY DREAMS, which resulted from a spirit of procrastination that I picked up during a bad storm in a Good Season. Nonetheless, I laid every broken and cancerous burden at the ALTAR OF GRACE. I found no need in trying to revisit things in my past to try to rethink, to redo, and change; but what I did do, was make notes of those things that I needed to work on, so that I could progress and grow into who I am DESTINED TO BE. Through prayer, meditation and plain old still quiet time, I AM, moving into the exact place, where I need to BE. MY DESTINY.

My Dearest PHAMLI,

Living is now my passion and expression, well my reasonable service...I wanted to grab your hand and invite you to walk with me on the journey that I have embarked upon. I believe that
"What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger". There's no amount of ministry or education that would have prepared me for this season of my life. Facing yourself is the hardest thing that you have to do, but the BEST THING TO DO. Although, I've shared alot, there is so much more to share, and frankly, this blog is not big enough to do so, lol! As always I believe that the best is yet to come.

My prayer is that you were blessed by this piece, and that it has touched you in some way, with a good form and maybe cause you to sit on the "Potter's Wheel" so that you too can be "Divinely Shaped" into who and what you need to be. May peace, love and tranquility be yours today. May you rise higher and become COMPLETE! My hope is that you find satisfaction and contentment in the YOU that YOU ARE NOW AND THE YOU TO COME. I commend and applaud you in advance for the efforts that you make to GO HIGHER! IM BACK!

With love and the Greatest intention.

Belazadu'm

Yahminah McIntosh

Copyright 2011

Imagine a Miracle

I wanted to share another piece of my life with my readers. The following is a my piece that I wrote for my special person who has since gone to be the Father. One thing that I have realized about losing those closest to me, is that you can not go back and make special those moments that you've either wasted or missed. I loved each and every one of them so deeply, and made sure that I did what I could while they were here; However, I know that I could have done more, like not let the sun set on my anger or walk around with unforgiveness in my heart, or be prideful when talking to them knowing that we should make up. I am not keeping any regrets hostage, I have learned to let it go, and let GOD GIVE ME PEACE. I am so grateful that I had sense enough to tell them all how I PHELT and spent alot of time with them. My life has been full of pain, and I have learned how to cope and get through my days without focusing on how the pain affected my life. When I began to take inventory of my "WOMAN and my GLORY" I decided to try to leave the bad things behind; like the 24 hour crying fits, the constant staying in bed, not eating and anything at all that would hold me back from being the Happy Go Lucky person that God had created me to be. When you lose someone don't try hard to forget them, but remember the good times often. Loss hurts and no matter how you try to cover it up, it won't change the fact that they are NOT COMING BACK. Remember, that they are really in a better place and that makes the difference. May God bless you and give YOU PEACE WITH THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN NOT CHANGE!

Be Well
Namaste'

Miracle Monday
(08/18/1974 - 12/26/2007)

She arrived Chupalneri Azima, and Departed Life Middle Name Miracle and First name Emagin'ea

She was such a beautiful sight, with beautiful features, and it was her idea, to con all the teachers

She had black hair, nice cheeks, defined nose and big feet
and who could forget those, beautiful brown eyes,
that changed with the seasons just like mine
She wore, Ja'Dore, Happy, and a special mixture made by your's truly
and She was chestnut brown, a little darker than me, and had a smile that was truly amazing
and while I had the gap, she had the perfect teeth

With Chinese tattoos on both her legs, lower back, chest, and thighs
she was short, and made it work, she was confidant about her size
and no doubt we were identical, accept for the bum pinkie and facial mole
that I would pencil in on me, so that when we switched no one would know
She had FULL lips, was bowlegged, with bigger hips
and small breast, that she swear came from sleeping on her stomach

she was a good woman, a great mother and MY VERY BEST FRIEND
and she cracked jokes, that made me choke, SHE WAS A HELL OF A COMEDIAN
when we played basketball on the same team, we would always win
because of our strategy, and nobody else really knows how to guard me
she was cold, and I give HER, HER props, cuz she never missed on 3's

We both struggled with the same sin
at different times in life, and kept it a secret
but on the same day we came out, cuz from each other we didn't want to keep it
Even though everybody else could see it

Boy could she sing, blowing, and rolling, never made employee of the month cuz she was too controlling
Danced like Janet but sang like Michael, I miss the way SHE SANG HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW
her favorite songs were by Lauren Hill, Bob Marley and Prince
SHE WAS CUNNING AND SHREWD,
NEVER CHASING DOLLARS IF IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE
SHE TOO WAS ABOUT HER BUSINESS

excuse me...I got to get through this

We both had different gifts, she was a jack of all trades and me a mad scientist
I was strong when she was weak
an she was my voice when I couldn't speak
we were completely connected and we perfected the art of our thinking
We thought that if we focused our energy, that the tumors would start shrinking

Our children are 30 days apart
both named in Faith with biblical starts
She was so smart, and knew how to play her hand hard and
had a good healthy heart, and would tear the WITNESSES APART
she rebuilt computers in her spare time and candy painted cars
and when she had some Jamaican rum, she jumped around like Tarzan

Man oh Man, ummmmmm, WHAT A WOMAN

Member when we used to get out of school
and go over Ms. Reesa's house to get Cuban Food
and walk to "Julia's" to get Strawberry Mentos and Papaya Juice
Well Guava for you, and El Sibanae's for Lentil Soup
and Grananna used to yell at us, cuz we played with Sparkles in June
on Petrona Street, where our double dutch gang used to meet
and yes I was the star jumper but you
beat up folks cuz you were tougher
and remember when we used to fish with snails and
make music blowing through conch shells
and daddy lied to cover our hide cuz we poked wholes in the Marina's sails
together we was bad, can't you tell

Oh yeah, and when you thought you were cute, in tenth grade wearing mama's red boots
and her brown shawl pumping your "Power to the People" Grooves, dying your hair money green saying the system ain't gonna control you, Really, who were you? I thought I was weird dude!

and your men Tall and Distinguished with waves and expensive gifts
you sure knew how to pick em, remember when we used to trick em?
and as the years went on we grew apart, cuz you were like 007 and me Bob Newhart
and through our faith we were torn, because that's all we knew since we were born
but we still spoke everyday, about the choices and decisions big or small we had to make

like when you lost the baby, and the ambulance took YOU away
or when you knew that you were through, and wanted a divorce and needed a break
that you wouldn't take

I remember when you started smoking because
you neglected dealing with what was out in the open
and you did well and actually quit
But when life gave you lemons you got right back to it
I just knew it would end this way
I still cry myself to sleep some days

Why did God decide to split us up and take my JOY away?

I just needed a couple of those funny minutes, that we used to share
like when I would rub your back and you would run your fingers through my hair

Welling up with emotion, trying to be your soldier, so you would hold on
I was giving you that verbal energy, the eye contact locked so I would not MISS YOU LEAVE
it was almost 9:15
So much I wanted to say to you, to go back to when we were little girls and DREAMS WERE MADE OF diamonds and pearls

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT SECOND, WHEN I KNEW IT WAS YOUR LAST BREATH
THAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO TAKE
cuz the sound of the glory train
let me know it was on its way
and at that moment I moon walked into a place

WHERE all I could hear were violins and the sun was brightly shinning
and your special waterfalls were full of the TEARS THAT I HAD BEEN HIDING
you pulled me down and began whispering, our special song that I now recite to my seed
I love a you, and you love a me, our love is both the same
our Love's the same and your Love's the same
I'll see you again someday

WHEN THE NURSES CAME IN TO RUB THE BACK OF ME
AND INCONSCPICUOUSLY TURNED OFF THE MACHINES
THEY SAID IT WAS BEST FOR ME TO LEAVE
THEY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS DANCING

I told them that THIS IS what we discussed, about your happily ever ending
I laid over you, and stuck to you like glue, until your beautiful spirit left your body and it ran cool
but REMEMBER WHEN I VOWED THAT NOTHING BUT DEATH COULD KEEP ME FROM YOU, my makidada, sister COME BACK NALA, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, CUZ I'M BOUT TO BRING SOME DRAMA

Pulling out my hair, blinking my eyes fast, grim reaper, you can't keeper,
this room you got to pass
GOD I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT IF YOUR WILL BE DONE
SHE WILL RISE AGAIN LIKE THE SUN
BUT I GUESS, HEAVEN'S ANGELS WANTED ANOTHER ONE
I couldn't even make out what I was saying,
screaming at the top of OUR PERSONAL HIMALAYANS
when the two entered the room, I fell to my knees, head hit the floor, and I said when you are done bagging my miracle, you might as well do 1 more

Naw Naw wait a minute, just give me a minute
they made me let go of your hand
and 2 hours later, in your room I was still laying in your bed

In 6 months it will be mother's day and in another 3 months
our BIRTHDAYS, and they will be my first ever without you
this year you were supposed to pick what you wanted to do
did you know that Quris and Grananna died after you
can yaw'll come back right quick to make some food?

Oh MY

I miss you so much, I desire your touch
THERE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE ANOTHER ONE
we come from the same seed me and you
now what am i supposed to do without you
I'm sad but not empty cuz on earth you gave me plenty
and I have the fondest memories
OF US CLIMBING SYCAMORE TREES
AND EATING SPANISH LIMES WITH BUN & CHEESE
and I know when you pass from death into life and
its better to get caught up with Christ, and I'm glad you accepted HIM into your life and
that's why I understand...
and am okay with the decision God made, really I am

and our babies will grow UP TO be
THE STRONGEST MEN IN SOCIETY
I PROMISE I WILL SEE TO IT CHUPALNARI
Did you like those yellow roses that I grew for you in January
I got your ashes, in the "Mikasa" basket, in front of your favorite space, on top of the fireplace
I miss you
and as long as I can breathe, only a piece of ME WILL BE WITH YOU

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2008

Soul Food

"Regardless of where you walk, where you dream to run, how far you want to reach and everything that you would love to see, you are always in motion, living, in constant movement, no matter how still you may be in your present season, and when you feel tired and want to stop, remember that your rest lies in the Hope to continue on to experience the greater moments of today."

Minah 2:3

"It's never what you take in that will dictate how far you will go, but what you do with what you take in, that will determine how you will get there"

Minah 10:3

"When you grow into a state of selflessness, your life with be fulfilled, because you will no longer feel the need to love, live and think on the defense." Minah 9:11

"Unlike man, God understands you, and HE never sleeps. He's alive, forgiving, doesn't change, won't let you down, doesn't run, doesn't judge, is strong, knowledgeable, strategic, loves you and cares about your every hurt and pain and triumphs with you. He remembers us when others forget and and knows your curves. He's the fire burning when angels are camped around you in the darkness,  and the distilled rain when you think you're going to die of thirst, so when you have a difficult task to complete, don't be afraid, because HE will guard you when you have to do, what you KNOW you have to do."
Minah 7:7


 "When you find healing in secure and secret places where fruits of honor grow, the scales will fall from your eyes and you will be well enough to heal the brokenness of someone else."
Minah 1:16

"The truth is that when you answer to something that you know you're not, out of obligation, you bury the person that you were meant to be, and when you subscribe to the negative opinions and thoughts of others, you take a chance on paving your journey with failure."
Minah 9:9



Many Blessings be upon you and your family. I invite you to visit The Official Website of Yahminah McIntosh at  http://www.yahminahmcintosh.com/ to join my mailing list, hear and read my poetry, follow my new wordpress blog, see upcoming events and a host of other helpful information surrounding YMC.

Your Sister in the Movement of Light

Yahminah McIntosh

PHIGURE EIGHT (Breaking the Chain)

The Beginning
Every time I think about writing a new piece, I close my eyes and sit still for a couple of minutes and do a self search and see what it is that is on my heart. I always do this to ensure that I am able to present and express with raw passion and truth.

On Sunday night, I sat in my black leather ergonomic chair and began to swivel back and forth to the beat of my new piece "Nevaeh" on my CD, "Minahmor". Like always, I had to get into my groove! My house was quiet and for that minute I was spiritually reaching into the universe to see what I should write about, and this is exactly how it came to me in this order...

As I began to write, it hit me, to talk about something that I have a passion for, and that is helping others to heal, problem solve and create better environments that are conducive to their own progression. I know what its like to feel pain, cause pain and desire for pain to stick around so that you don't have to feel the sting of "Healing" that a new joy can bring, because it is something new and out of the norm.


War Fare
Throughout life, when bad decisions are made, often times they become internal requests to wage war on ourselves. The misuse of your body in any capacity makes for emotional and mental destruction in my opinion, because of the emotional components that can not be denied whether connected to someone or not. Lets just say if you are stopping by to "handle your business (making a booty call), guess what, even though you might not be involved in a relationSHIP with that person, spiritually you have just picked up the pieces of someone else's baggage that you have to carry around along with yours (why carry someone else's stuff, when you have a hard time carrying your own?).

Now really how is that helping you grow? How is it helping you sort out your issues so that you can become better? Its about sowing and reaping, it can be a Healthy cycle with blessed results or it can be straight up BAD KARMA THAT YOU BRING UPON YOURSELF. Just like you make a decision on whether or not you want to jay walk across the street during a blinking "don't walk" sign because you don't want to get a ticket, is the same way you have to take seriously the decisions you make and weigh all of the consequences.

The more that you let your guards down sexually, without regard to your own value, to individuals that have no sincere, true or committed intent to be your significant other, the more havoc in your own life you begin to reek. Oh, yes and by the way, some may say its about just releasing tension, but no not really, its about being mindful of your future and taking complete and total care of your priorities that begin with the special and amazing YOU.

Have you ever been uneasy and didn't know why, but are finding satisfaction in the gutter of promiscuity? Remember, sex is a powerful thing and when misused can cause major problems.


The Question
Now the question that many are probably thinking and asking themselves, is "Is Yahminah saying that sex outside of a relationSHIP is not favorable." Yep, and those who know me and have followed, "Conversations with PHAMLI, know that I am, what you would call a "Healthy RelationSHIP Advocate" if you will...I just believe that with PRAYER, attention to detail, transparency, vulnerability, understanding, compatability, communication and HARD work, a good relationSHIP can become Better.

I believe that sex is something that should be shared between 2 people that are KNOWINGLY involved and Committed to one another. (Not that whole, I go with you but you don't go with me type of thing, or were just sleeping together because we're not with anyone else right now) NO NO NO, what if you could have that "4th Leaf of the Clover" in your life and RelationSHIP? Im not saying that it has to be perfect (because there is no perfect relationSHIP) but good enough for YOU without settling.

The L WORDs
The two words: Lust and Love don't really fit like foreign pieces misplaced in different puzzle boxes. One is not synonymous with the other, why do you think that is? Its no secret that Promiscuity is written all over one, and has actually become some what of a comfortable norm for many. This is not okay, this is unacceptable and not a true representation of what really is found within the hearts of good people. When you begin to number the people that you are with and find yourself laying next to a new person every couple of months something is wrong.

Whatever you need to work out, DO IT WITH YOUR LEGS CLOSED. Wars have never been won, when the battles have been chosen and the battle ground of choice is the bedroom. Now, I will say that, the bedroom can be that special place where strategies to fight wars are discussed, again between two trusting individuals that are involved. Why don't we see better representations of good, healthy and committed relationSHIPS?

Its because, giving up most times is easier than staying in it to see if you can win it. My suggestion is to stop making, every choice a "headhunting option". True no it seems like there are many fish in the sea, therefore we sometimes display dismissive behaviors; However, the fish alot of times are sick, missing scales, have 1 eye, can't swim, prefer land than water but it must stay in the water to live...

Roots, Growth and Determination
Maybe sometimes sitting still and realizing what you need, instead of chasing after what you want, would in the long run, produce the results you're looking for. Most times when people become destructive and unstable sexually and emotionally, its because they are looking for something to satisfy a deeper need. A tree never stopped growing because it stayed in the same place; Therefore I believe in most cases the same can be applied to our lives. Once you know what you need, then it will allow you to grow, because you're not planting and being planted with so many different seeds that will continue to grow and sprout in your spirit, that in turn can have an adverse affect on your life.

HARD WORK AND PATIENCE
Patience is a Virtue and Hard Work brings about Great Results. Let's just say that what if, you are single and you actually take time out for yourself to become the best catch that you can be, and you finally find the ONE that you can give your all to (your healed, matured, stable and ready self). Then you would have your special one that can give you 100% of their 80% (which is all they have to offer, within their own settlement of imperfections), and you could build a beautiful RelationSHIP, PARTNERSHIP and CompanionSHIP. This notion, definitely not a far fetched idea at all.

Your body is your temple, it is special and sacred and was not entrusted to you to be used as a tool (that you can break and replace), or as a weapon to fight tangible demons that haunt you. It is your most valuable piece and work of art, that must be cared for, guarded and kept well as if it was fine china.

Substance Abuse

The self inflicted abuse of our own substances, and the abuse from others that we allow (who we are, what we have to offer, our emotional stamina, our finances, etc...) is something that is often times missed, but is sitting nestled at the foot stools of most of the emotional, intimate and sexual issues that we have. These issues then carry over into our relationSHIPS, snatching the happiness right out the sockets of HOPE that we've worked hard to build.


However the trend is set, or however it is that it begins is somewhat of a mystery, but one thing is for sure, that we are creatures of habit, and we get used to something being a certain way, and look to make it apart of everyday life, before we evaluate its usefulness. We tend to build up unnecessary levels of tolerance for things that have no business being placed in our lives anyway.


Gimme Gimme Gimme
As human beings it is our innate desire to please others and look for validation and reassurance on different levels. Since, some of us need these things more than others, the extent that we will go to get them can be disturbing.

Whether its dismissing our own confidence, or handing over our authority and placement or even allowing ourselves to be defamed, disrespected, mistreated or demoralized, there are many things that we do subconsciously without regard. Having knowledge of this and knowing that this is something that needs to change, is half the battle, and changing the mindset and creating "The Complete You" is the priority.


Dr. Self
Regardless of whats being done to us, if all we care about is the attention that is being received from another person, that's a problem. Often times when one allows themselves to be habitually misused, disrespected and even treated bad, it is a distorted form of self medication, because there is something within the energy and or attention of the acts committed that one feels that they need. The hunger for attention is dangerous and it should be looked at, as a sign of needing to change.

The best thing that you could do for you, and its free is stop placing yourself in positions where you feel you must have the energy and or attention from another person in order to survive. Even though it feels so good to love someone, and have them love you back, the reality of it is, that that person is human just like you and will not be able to deliver everything you want and or need all of the time. And when one is emotionally unstable and feeling like they have no where to park their emotions, that can what causes emotional instability.

Don't seek to have someone else Validate you, Substantiate your own Value and Stroke your own ego. Any positive reinforcement, compliments or validation that you get from someone outside of you will be the icing on the cake but you MAKE, MIX AND BAKE THAT CAKE, Which will be sweet enough without the icing any day!



My Dearest PHAMLI,

As always I hope that you were blessed by this pieceI believe that as we become more aware of who we are, what we need, what we desire and get more in tune with the rhythm of our destiny, we will begin to move into higher levels of consciousness. What you learn from life's bitterness becomes so sweet after a while.

Remember, I only write whats on, in and around my heart and this is coming from a woman whose chains in her life have been broken!

If you have a special person in your life, cherish them, enjoy them and explore every area of possibilities with them (because everybody is looking for love) and if you don't have one, get prepared to love and be loved right. Know that you deserve the best in every area of your life and that every area of your life wants the best from you. I enjoyed writing this piece, because its one that I know can and will bring about a change in someone who has been touched by what was written.

Life is not a game, and our hearts are more than major organs, they are the pure investment from the creator to our life lines and when broken can take that special breath away that we need to survive. Until Next Time!

Be Well

Namaste'

Yahminah

and Excerpt from
The Bed Chamber
Gather around, as she lays it down
and unravels her homemade pedigree
The tragic inevitability of the good outcomes only YOU see
produced from bad decisions you make
hiding your face with bloody palms
because you crucify yourself, because your dignity is on the take
attached to nothing, but in love with everything
desiring many, but needing only 1 thing
never allowing yourself to heal
from what you've been through
before you run out, prance about and
become infatuated, sweating something new
you dusting off the souls you keep
lying to yourself, saying "No More Sheets"
who cares what we think, harboring that fierceness that only HE can see
you hate jacket wearing
vaginal wall tearing
acting like beloved, nanni pot luck sharing
out of control of you
prodigal one, life fashioned after the
guilt from the chain of fools
close your legs and open your mind
and when you're loosed, open those eyes
and jewels you'll find
you ain't got to sleep with
to get rid of the pain that runs circles around your weakness
that anger that encloses you in the chamber
that you can't get away from
stop running, because you end up in the same place
chasing the tail that others had and now make fun of
got no time to pick up your request for self love
losing pieces of you along the way
searching for what you want, but giving what you need away
destroying your pearls, making cancerous your girls
envying the diamond's shine
shooting for falling stars, wishing for the enjoyment of more time
emotionally pressing rewind, kindly asking reality to get in line
hypocritically chanting rehabilitation, freely using your miss
to forget rejection's diss, from past relations
Hiding under rocks, guided by impulsive shock,
excited about meaningless validations
providing delussional ego trips with luxurious accomdations...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2010


An excerpt from

UNIATRI (Pronounced, you and I a tree)
How sweet it is to share those moments with my image
the breath, the life. the pillar, the rock, the beautiful
transition of a forbidden pilgrimage
opening doors, closed before by
the militants in Alice's Wonderland
a place without seen color
but dominated by tangible adjectives
pure, light, sweet, bright, breath taking a sure awakening of the senses
talking pillows, at the crest of omnipotent billows
rolling, dancing, skipping and moving across the glacier's core
so hot to be cold and so deep to be shallow
the tip top, in line, outskirted by our own sense of time
inhibitions lack substance and weight
and time requests the prescence of an elevated stay
master comfort, fantasies built with second power numbers
multi-dimensional passion, ordained by
the relevance of creation itself
no little yous, all big I's as far as the most confident eagles can see
through ages, stages, centuries and fables that the most imaginative minds would believe
seeing, being, living, becoming
meta, better, Whatever down not I but we for internal pleasure
you cry, I wipe
I sing, you hum
we beat in tune, in sink willingly to the specific summon of the drum
rain dance with me, and burn hollow my feet
upon coles you stand, as you check out
present I am...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2010