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I wanted to share another piece of my life with my readers. The following is a my piece that I wrote for my special person who has since gone to be the Father. One thing that I have realized about losing those closest to me, is that you can not go back and make special those moments that you've either wasted or missed. I loved each and every one of them so deeply, and made sure that I did what I could while they were here; However, I know that I could have done more, like not let the sun set on my anger or walk around with unforgiveness in my heart, or be prideful when talking to them knowing that we should make up. I am not keeping any regrets hostage, I have learned to let it go, and let GOD GIVE ME PEACE. I am so grateful that I had sense enough to tell them all how I PHELT and spent alot of time with them. My life has been full of pain, and I have learned how to cope and get through my days without focusing on how the pain affected my life. When I began to take inventory of my "WOMAN and my GLORY" I decided to try to leave the bad things behind; like the 24 hour crying fits, the constant staying in bed, not eating and anything at all that would hold me back from being the Happy Go Lucky person that God had created me to be. When you lose someone don't try hard to forget them, but remember the good times often. Loss hurts and no matter how you try to cover it up, it won't change the fact that they are NOT COMING BACK. Remember, that they are really in a better place and that makes the difference. May God bless you and give YOU PEACE WITH THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN NOT CHANGE!
Be Well
Namaste'
Miracle Monday
(08/18/1974 - 12/26/2007)
She arrived Chupalneri Azima, and Departed Life Middle Name Miracle and First name Emagin'ea
She was such a beautiful sight, with beautiful features, and it was her idea, to con all the teachers
She had black hair, nice cheeks, defined nose and big feetand who could forget those, beautiful brown eyes,
that changed with the seasons just like mine
She wore, Ja'Dore, Happy, and a special mixture made by your's truly
and She was chestnut brown, a little darker than me, and had a smile that was truly amazing
and while I had the gap, she had the perfect teeth
With Chinese tattoos on both her legs, lower back, chest, and thighs
she was short, and made it work, she was confidant about her size
and no doubt we were identical, accept for the bum pinkie and facial mole
that I would pencil in on me, so that when we switched no one would know
She had FULL lips, was bowlegged, with bigger hips
and small breast, that she swear came from sleeping on her stomach
she was a good woman, a great mother and MY VERY BEST FRIEND
and she cracked jokes, that made me choke, SHE WAS A HELL OF A COMEDIAN
when we played basketball on the same team, we would always win
because of our strategy, and nobody else really knows how to guard me
she was cold, and I give HER, HER props, cuz she never missed on 3's
We both struggled with the same sin
at different times in life, and kept it a secret
but on the same day we came out, cuz from each other we didn't want to keep it
Even though everybody else could see it
Boy could she sing, blowing, and rolling, never made employee of the month cuz she was too controlling
Danced like Janet but sang like Michael, I miss the way SHE SANG HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW
her favorite songs were by Lauren Hill, Bob Marley and Prince
SHE WAS CUNNING AND SHREWD,
NEVER CHASING DOLLARS IF IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE
SHE TOO WAS ABOUT HER BUSINESS
excuse me...I got to get through this
We both had different gifts, she was a jack of all trades and me a mad scientist
I was strong when she was weak
an she was my voice when I couldn't speak
we were completely connected and we perfected the art of our thinking
We thought that if we focused our energy, that the tumors would start shrinking
Our children are 30 days apart
both named in Faith with biblical starts
She was so smart, and knew how to play her hand hard and
had a good healthy heart, and would tear the WITNESSES APART
she rebuilt computers in her spare time and candy painted cars
and when she had some Jamaican rum, she jumped around like Tarzan
Man oh Man, ummmmmm, WHAT A WOMAN
Member when we used to get out of school
and go over Ms. Reesa's house to get Cuban Food
and walk to "Julia's" to get Strawberry Mentos and Papaya Juice
Well Guava for you, and El Sibanae's for Lentil Soup
and Grananna used to yell at us, cuz we played with Sparkles in June
on Petrona Street, where our double dutch gang used to meet
and yes I was the star jumper but you
beat up folks cuz you were tougher
and remember when we used to fish with snails and
make music blowing through conch shells
and daddy lied to cover our hide cuz we poked wholes in the Marina's sails
together we was bad, can't you tell
Oh yeah, and when you thought you were cute, in tenth grade wearing mama's red boots
and her brown shawl pumping your "Power to the People" Grooves, dying your hair money green saying the system ain't gonna control you, Really, who were you? I thought I was weird dude!
and your men Tall and Distinguished with waves and expensive gifts
you sure knew how to pick em, remember when we used to trick em?
and as the years went on we grew apart, cuz you were like 007 and me Bob Newhart
and through our faith we were torn, because that's all we knew since we were born
but we still spoke everyday, about the choices and decisions big or small we had to make
like when you lost the baby, and the ambulance took YOU away
or when you knew that you were through, and wanted a divorce and needed a break
that you wouldn't take
I remember when you started smoking because
you neglected dealing with what was out in the open
and you did well and actually quit
But when life gave you lemons you got right back to it
I just knew it would end this way
I still cry myself to sleep some days
Why did God decide to split us up and take my JOY away?
I just needed a couple of those funny minutes, that we used to share
like when I would rub your back and you would run your fingers through my hair
Welling up with emotion, trying to be your soldier, so you would hold on
I was giving you that verbal energy, the eye contact locked so I would not MISS YOU LEAVE
it was almost 9:15
So much I wanted to say to you, to go back to when we were little girls and DREAMS WERE MADE OF diamonds and pearls
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT SECOND, WHEN I KNEW IT WAS YOUR LAST BREATH
THAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO TAKE
cuz the sound of the glory train
let me know it was on its way
and at that moment I moon walked into a place
WHERE all I could hear were violins and the sun was brightly shinning
and your special waterfalls were full of the TEARS THAT I HAD BEEN HIDING
you pulled me down and began whispering, our special song that I now recite to my seed
I love a you, and you love a me, our love is both the same
our Love's the same and your Love's the same
I'll see you again someday
WHEN THE NURSES CAME IN TO RUB THE BACK OF ME
AND INCONSCPICUOUSLY TURNED OFF THE MACHINES
THEY SAID IT WAS BEST FOR ME TO LEAVE
THEY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS DANCING
I told them that THIS IS what we discussed, about your happily ever ending
I laid over you, and stuck to you like glue, until your beautiful spirit left your body and it ran cool
but REMEMBER WHEN I VOWED THAT NOTHING BUT DEATH COULD KEEP ME FROM YOU, my makidada, sister COME BACK NALA, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, CUZ I'M BOUT TO BRING SOME DRAMA
Pulling out my hair, blinking my eyes fast, grim reaper, you can't keeper,
this room you got to pass
GOD I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT IF YOUR WILL BE DONE
SHE WILL RISE AGAIN LIKE THE SUN
BUT I GUESS, HEAVEN'S ANGELS WANTED ANOTHER ONE
I couldn't even make out what I was saying,
screaming at the top of OUR PERSONAL HIMALAYANS
when the two entered the room, I fell to my knees, head hit the floor, and I said when you are done bagging my miracle, you might as well do 1 more
Naw Naw wait a minute, just give me a minute
they made me let go of your hand
and 2 hours later, in your room I was still laying in your bed
In 6 months it will be mother's day and in another 3 months
our BIRTHDAYS, and they will be my first ever without you
this year you were supposed to pick what you wanted to do
did you know that Quris and Grananna died after you
can yaw'll come back right quick to make some food?
Oh MY
I miss you so much, I desire your touch
THERE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE ANOTHER ONE
we come from the same seed me and you
now what am i supposed to do without you
I'm sad but not empty cuz on earth you gave me plenty
and I have the fondest memories
OF US CLIMBING SYCAMORE TREES
AND EATING SPANISH LIMES WITH BUN & CHEESE
and I know when you pass from death into life and
its better to get caught up with Christ, and I'm glad you accepted HIM into your life and
that's why I understand...
and am okay with the decision God made, really I am
and our babies will grow UP TO be
THE STRONGEST MEN IN SOCIETY
I PROMISE I WILL SEE TO IT CHUPALNARI
Did you like those yellow roses that I grew for you in January
I got your ashes, in the "Mikasa" basket, in front of your favorite space, on top of the fireplace
I miss you
and as long as I can breathe, only a piece of ME WILL BE WITH YOU
Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2008
