PHIGURE EIGHT (Breaking the Chain)

The Beginning
Every time I think about writing a new piece, I close my eyes and sit still for a couple of minutes and do a self search and see what it is that is on my heart. I always do this to ensure that I am able to present and express with raw passion and truth.

On Sunday night, I sat in my black leather ergonomic chair and began to swivel back and forth to the beat of my new piece "Nevaeh" on my CD, "Minahmor". Like always, I had to get into my groove! My house was quiet and for that minute I was spiritually reaching into the universe to see what I should write about, and this is exactly how it came to me in this order...

As I began to write, it hit me, to talk about something that I have a passion for, and that is helping others to heal, problem solve and create better environments that are conducive to their own progression. I know what its like to feel pain, cause pain and desire for pain to stick around so that you don't have to feel the sting of "Healing" that a new joy can bring, because it is something new and out of the norm.


War Fare
Throughout life, when bad decisions are made, often times they become internal requests to wage war on ourselves. The misuse of your body in any capacity makes for emotional and mental destruction in my opinion, because of the emotional components that can not be denied whether connected to someone or not. Lets just say if you are stopping by to "handle your business (making a booty call), guess what, even though you might not be involved in a relationSHIP with that person, spiritually you have just picked up the pieces of someone else's baggage that you have to carry around along with yours (why carry someone else's stuff, when you have a hard time carrying your own?).

Now really how is that helping you grow? How is it helping you sort out your issues so that you can become better? Its about sowing and reaping, it can be a Healthy cycle with blessed results or it can be straight up BAD KARMA THAT YOU BRING UPON YOURSELF. Just like you make a decision on whether or not you want to jay walk across the street during a blinking "don't walk" sign because you don't want to get a ticket, is the same way you have to take seriously the decisions you make and weigh all of the consequences.

The more that you let your guards down sexually, without regard to your own value, to individuals that have no sincere, true or committed intent to be your significant other, the more havoc in your own life you begin to reek. Oh, yes and by the way, some may say its about just releasing tension, but no not really, its about being mindful of your future and taking complete and total care of your priorities that begin with the special and amazing YOU.

Have you ever been uneasy and didn't know why, but are finding satisfaction in the gutter of promiscuity? Remember, sex is a powerful thing and when misused can cause major problems.


The Question
Now the question that many are probably thinking and asking themselves, is "Is Yahminah saying that sex outside of a relationSHIP is not favorable." Yep, and those who know me and have followed, "Conversations with PHAMLI, know that I am, what you would call a "Healthy RelationSHIP Advocate" if you will...I just believe that with PRAYER, attention to detail, transparency, vulnerability, understanding, compatability, communication and HARD work, a good relationSHIP can become Better.

I believe that sex is something that should be shared between 2 people that are KNOWINGLY involved and Committed to one another. (Not that whole, I go with you but you don't go with me type of thing, or were just sleeping together because we're not with anyone else right now) NO NO NO, what if you could have that "4th Leaf of the Clover" in your life and RelationSHIP? Im not saying that it has to be perfect (because there is no perfect relationSHIP) but good enough for YOU without settling.

The L WORDs
The two words: Lust and Love don't really fit like foreign pieces misplaced in different puzzle boxes. One is not synonymous with the other, why do you think that is? Its no secret that Promiscuity is written all over one, and has actually become some what of a comfortable norm for many. This is not okay, this is unacceptable and not a true representation of what really is found within the hearts of good people. When you begin to number the people that you are with and find yourself laying next to a new person every couple of months something is wrong.

Whatever you need to work out, DO IT WITH YOUR LEGS CLOSED. Wars have never been won, when the battles have been chosen and the battle ground of choice is the bedroom. Now, I will say that, the bedroom can be that special place where strategies to fight wars are discussed, again between two trusting individuals that are involved. Why don't we see better representations of good, healthy and committed relationSHIPS?

Its because, giving up most times is easier than staying in it to see if you can win it. My suggestion is to stop making, every choice a "headhunting option". True no it seems like there are many fish in the sea, therefore we sometimes display dismissive behaviors; However, the fish alot of times are sick, missing scales, have 1 eye, can't swim, prefer land than water but it must stay in the water to live...

Roots, Growth and Determination
Maybe sometimes sitting still and realizing what you need, instead of chasing after what you want, would in the long run, produce the results you're looking for. Most times when people become destructive and unstable sexually and emotionally, its because they are looking for something to satisfy a deeper need. A tree never stopped growing because it stayed in the same place; Therefore I believe in most cases the same can be applied to our lives. Once you know what you need, then it will allow you to grow, because you're not planting and being planted with so many different seeds that will continue to grow and sprout in your spirit, that in turn can have an adverse affect on your life.

HARD WORK AND PATIENCE
Patience is a Virtue and Hard Work brings about Great Results. Let's just say that what if, you are single and you actually take time out for yourself to become the best catch that you can be, and you finally find the ONE that you can give your all to (your healed, matured, stable and ready self). Then you would have your special one that can give you 100% of their 80% (which is all they have to offer, within their own settlement of imperfections), and you could build a beautiful RelationSHIP, PARTNERSHIP and CompanionSHIP. This notion, definitely not a far fetched idea at all.

Your body is your temple, it is special and sacred and was not entrusted to you to be used as a tool (that you can break and replace), or as a weapon to fight tangible demons that haunt you. It is your most valuable piece and work of art, that must be cared for, guarded and kept well as if it was fine china.

Substance Abuse

The self inflicted abuse of our own substances, and the abuse from others that we allow (who we are, what we have to offer, our emotional stamina, our finances, etc...) is something that is often times missed, but is sitting nestled at the foot stools of most of the emotional, intimate and sexual issues that we have. These issues then carry over into our relationSHIPS, snatching the happiness right out the sockets of HOPE that we've worked hard to build.


However the trend is set, or however it is that it begins is somewhat of a mystery, but one thing is for sure, that we are creatures of habit, and we get used to something being a certain way, and look to make it apart of everyday life, before we evaluate its usefulness. We tend to build up unnecessary levels of tolerance for things that have no business being placed in our lives anyway.


Gimme Gimme Gimme
As human beings it is our innate desire to please others and look for validation and reassurance on different levels. Since, some of us need these things more than others, the extent that we will go to get them can be disturbing.

Whether its dismissing our own confidence, or handing over our authority and placement or even allowing ourselves to be defamed, disrespected, mistreated or demoralized, there are many things that we do subconsciously without regard. Having knowledge of this and knowing that this is something that needs to change, is half the battle, and changing the mindset and creating "The Complete You" is the priority.


Dr. Self
Regardless of whats being done to us, if all we care about is the attention that is being received from another person, that's a problem. Often times when one allows themselves to be habitually misused, disrespected and even treated bad, it is a distorted form of self medication, because there is something within the energy and or attention of the acts committed that one feels that they need. The hunger for attention is dangerous and it should be looked at, as a sign of needing to change.

The best thing that you could do for you, and its free is stop placing yourself in positions where you feel you must have the energy and or attention from another person in order to survive. Even though it feels so good to love someone, and have them love you back, the reality of it is, that that person is human just like you and will not be able to deliver everything you want and or need all of the time. And when one is emotionally unstable and feeling like they have no where to park their emotions, that can what causes emotional instability.

Don't seek to have someone else Validate you, Substantiate your own Value and Stroke your own ego. Any positive reinforcement, compliments or validation that you get from someone outside of you will be the icing on the cake but you MAKE, MIX AND BAKE THAT CAKE, Which will be sweet enough without the icing any day!



My Dearest PHAMLI,

As always I hope that you were blessed by this pieceI believe that as we become more aware of who we are, what we need, what we desire and get more in tune with the rhythm of our destiny, we will begin to move into higher levels of consciousness. What you learn from life's bitterness becomes so sweet after a while.

Remember, I only write whats on, in and around my heart and this is coming from a woman whose chains in her life have been broken!

If you have a special person in your life, cherish them, enjoy them and explore every area of possibilities with them (because everybody is looking for love) and if you don't have one, get prepared to love and be loved right. Know that you deserve the best in every area of your life and that every area of your life wants the best from you. I enjoyed writing this piece, because its one that I know can and will bring about a change in someone who has been touched by what was written.

Life is not a game, and our hearts are more than major organs, they are the pure investment from the creator to our life lines and when broken can take that special breath away that we need to survive. Until Next Time!

Be Well

Namaste'

Yahminah

and Excerpt from
The Bed Chamber
Gather around, as she lays it down
and unravels her homemade pedigree
The tragic inevitability of the good outcomes only YOU see
produced from bad decisions you make
hiding your face with bloody palms
because you crucify yourself, because your dignity is on the take
attached to nothing, but in love with everything
desiring many, but needing only 1 thing
never allowing yourself to heal
from what you've been through
before you run out, prance about and
become infatuated, sweating something new
you dusting off the souls you keep
lying to yourself, saying "No More Sheets"
who cares what we think, harboring that fierceness that only HE can see
you hate jacket wearing
vaginal wall tearing
acting like beloved, nanni pot luck sharing
out of control of you
prodigal one, life fashioned after the
guilt from the chain of fools
close your legs and open your mind
and when you're loosed, open those eyes
and jewels you'll find
you ain't got to sleep with
to get rid of the pain that runs circles around your weakness
that anger that encloses you in the chamber
that you can't get away from
stop running, because you end up in the same place
chasing the tail that others had and now make fun of
got no time to pick up your request for self love
losing pieces of you along the way
searching for what you want, but giving what you need away
destroying your pearls, making cancerous your girls
envying the diamond's shine
shooting for falling stars, wishing for the enjoyment of more time
emotionally pressing rewind, kindly asking reality to get in line
hypocritically chanting rehabilitation, freely using your miss
to forget rejection's diss, from past relations
Hiding under rocks, guided by impulsive shock,
excited about meaningless validations
providing delussional ego trips with luxurious accomdations...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2010


An excerpt from

UNIATRI (Pronounced, you and I a tree)
How sweet it is to share those moments with my image
the breath, the life. the pillar, the rock, the beautiful
transition of a forbidden pilgrimage
opening doors, closed before by
the militants in Alice's Wonderland
a place without seen color
but dominated by tangible adjectives
pure, light, sweet, bright, breath taking a sure awakening of the senses
talking pillows, at the crest of omnipotent billows
rolling, dancing, skipping and moving across the glacier's core
so hot to be cold and so deep to be shallow
the tip top, in line, outskirted by our own sense of time
inhibitions lack substance and weight
and time requests the prescence of an elevated stay
master comfort, fantasies built with second power numbers
multi-dimensional passion, ordained by
the relevance of creation itself
no little yous, all big I's as far as the most confident eagles can see
through ages, stages, centuries and fables that the most imaginative minds would believe
seeing, being, living, becoming
meta, better, Whatever down not I but we for internal pleasure
you cry, I wipe
I sing, you hum
we beat in tune, in sink willingly to the specific summon of the drum
rain dance with me, and burn hollow my feet
upon coles you stand, as you check out
present I am...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2010