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YMCUpdate... As I am working on new pieces and entries, and preparing for the upcoming release of my book SHUGAH and website, I wanted to share a beautiful reflection. I had a blessed vacation and my time away has been nothing less than "simply amazing". I've done alot of listening, blushing, resting, smiling, walking, healing and changing. It's true that my writing has changed somewhat, and I've noticed that it has everything to do with the weather in my seasons. When I was a child, I wrote as a child and now that I am a WOMAN, I sow, write and express from the SOUL! My perspectives and thoughts are evolving and I am loving it! I've been smelling some good flowers, wrapping life's gifts and paying attention to beautiful things. May you be blessed, inspired and moved to pay attention to the dreams that you have, experiences that move you, Love that heals you, Lessons that grow you into a new state of maturity, enjoy your life, smell the roses while you can and don't take your life for granted. For as long as I have life in my body, I guarantee that the best is yet to come... I was here... 
It occurred to me, that I will die one day
and that my seasons will have grown into their completeness
no more winters, not the enjoyment of another spring, no more hot summer nights
and no tea from autumn leaves
I will cry no more, and my laughter will no longer grace the dark tunnels of
raining places
but my smile will be a good memory
mentioned in stories and fables told by prophets and dreamcatchers
and after a time
my name will become a sweet whisper
on even the lips of the most bittered hearts
My spirit will be found in the fibers of quilts
made by risen daughters that were called out of tombs
just as I, by the rumors of powerful words
to comfort and warm cold and thriving people
my notions will be written on tablets at museums
preserved behind glass cases,
and my books standing on hand carved fancy oak shelves
at mansions, where the empowered reside
My quotes will be chanted by
the tribe of Judah before battle
and the mountains of my legacy will continue to be built
way after I'm gone
and after my grand children are leader's leaders
and kings and queens
driven and nurtured by the lessons that I've sowed
down my bloodline
Every place that I righteously stepped
will create spaces and places for broken people to come
to sit and hear good tidings and stories that will heal nations
and build communities...
and when life's life passes away, where I have risen to sit upon the lining of
the clouds, the aging birds will sing my special tunes
that I serenaded HOPE with
and the growing trees and flowers, seas and fruit will know that I was here...
Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2010
SoHAPPI I'm Happy Today, and not because I've won the Lottery, or that something spectacular has happened in my life, other than those normal beautiful things that I'm blessed with that make my heart blush, make me smile, have me laughing uncontrollably, have me raising my hands in total praise or skipping about as if I don't have a care in the world!! To be honest with you, I'm just so GRATEFUL & THANKFUL, that I'm not riding in the front of a funeral procession, as the guest of honor or laying in the cemetery on my back six feet under face up. I realized that this doesn't go without saying, because there are so many things that we take for granted on a moment's basis. So I'm excited to be entering a new stage in my life, and my most recent vacation has been amazing actually, seeing that rest and relaxation are becoming more apart of me than they ever were, but that's what having a premonition or dream and maturity will do for you.Smile
I'm glad that I can think clearly, speak, write, hear, see, smell, feel, love, walk and have all of the functions of my mind and body...YES! Today, I'm at one of the most nicest places that I've ever been in my entire life, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but all I know is that today, for the first time in my life I can honestly say, without any internal struggle of hesitation, that "I AM GOOD!" I realize that I may not have everything that I want, but I do have what I need. I don't remember how I got here, right here at this particular moment and feeling, but HERE I AM! As I sit and look out onto the peaceful ocean shores, I begin to smile big (with dimples ;))... as I sip on my Smoothie, thank God for Coconuts and Pineapples! I now remember why I liked coming to this place, it had been over 20 years since I've sat quietly on the shores of the Atlantic...What beauty this day holds, what freshness this breeze shares, what tranquility that has clothed me, and what peace has found me today...
The Last Dream As I sit here I am remembering the last dream that I had last night...It was interesting because it was almost like, I smelled the earth that surrounded me, where this dream took place. In this dream, I had dove into a pool that later turned into the ocean, and when I emerged and started to swim, I had my guitar on my back, my locs were braided upward and my arms and legs were very strong, and there was no weakness or pain in them...it was like Lupus wasn't present and I was WHOLE. As I was swimming, I saw an island, but it was far off, and when I closed my eyes, to pray and ask for strength to get there, I took a deep breath and when I opened my eyes, to my amazement, I was approaching its shores...When I crawled onto the beach, I began to walk and when I stood up, I was wearing a sheer gown, with a a beautiful cerulean piping and the most beautiful brown stripes that I've ever seen, I was barefoot, and adorned with Gambian amber and my 7 lbs of course! (Azuelo!). My skin was flawless and I was glowing...It was like I knew exactly where to go when I got there, even though the place was unfamiliar to me...Next I remember sitting in a chair made of feathers, that sat on peal rockers with silver arm rests...I was having a conversation with GOD and HE was standing in all His Glory in front of me. I was like a little girl in this dream and all I remember is listening to everything that HE said to me and how HE listened to everything that I said to HIM. All the questions that I asked HIM and the 1 that HE asked me..."Do you believe that you are THERE Yet?", and I answered, "I'm not sure, but wherever THERE is, I want to make sure that you are there with me."
Blown Away What I remember next, is what blew my mind. He placed HIS hand over my eyes, ears and mouth, and then held me tight and close. It was like my entire body burst into tears and melted onto the sand, I began releasing everything out of my spirit. I asked HIM how much time, did I have left on this earth and began to ask even more questions concerning time, circumstances, trials and storms (like only someone who wants to have and be in control does) and HE said, "Daughter be not concerned nor worry about time, how long you will live or when you will breathe your last on this earth, but focus your attention on how you live, so child give me your wings, your shovel, your swords and cape...." I asked HIM why would he take all of these things that I needed, that have helped me get through life...and HE said, "Your wings were to only train you to fly, but you're soaring now, and your cape, you used to be something to everyone, when I only commissioned you to be exactly what I wanted you to be, to who I've pruned for you and have opened up the hearts and ears to receive you, your shovel only aided you in digging deep enough so that you could find and bury the dead, and now you have the power to lay ashes and dust where they belong, and your swords were to help you fight, good fights and lead wars to victory, but today you are Victorious and you don't need a Sword to win." HE said, now You go and Live, Be made Whole for this Time, Be Ye Powerful and Mandated me to WALK and wear this crown as I shall be the only one who can remove it." I couldn't speak and still can't in a way, because believe me I am only sharing a piece of this dream in this blog...I will share more soon.
Waking Up I was shaken and moved by the reality this dream' message. Although for many years I interpreted dreams, this one was plain as day to me. It meant so much to me to have this dream at this moment, in the middle of the night, when my most recent storm has been for the battle for my life, as Lupus tries to write an ending to a beautiful story that is not yet finished. Get that somebody! This experience got to the root of that thing for me, and uplifted my Spirit! I mean, I can't tell you how many times, I've ministered and spoken life over so many, and HE saw fit to do the same for ME, today! Therefore; instead of rolling up my sleeves and trying to add a little of this and a little of that and try to manufacture PEACE, I actually allowed myself to sit still and allow PEACE to Finally FIND ME. Azuelo! 
Last night, when I laid to rest, I felt like angels began working on my mind, my heart, my body and my soul...and when I woke up this morning, I had a spirit of praise, felt renewed, focused, centered, grounded, aligned and balanced...I wasn't that usual busy body, with a long list of things to do, lol! I didn't have a whole lot to say, not many words, poems, clever cliches, jokes, stories or prayers. All I knew is that I wanted to be still and felt cemented in deep thought, and it seemed like time almost stopped for me to enjoy the sound of the pins that were dropping out of my spirit.
HOPE Those that know me, know that no matter what happens, and what storm I will see, that I will always find a silver lining on every cloud, a ram in a bush, believe that the impossible can happen, see beyond the smoke screens and always have HOPE. Mainly because, its a Mainstay and it runs through my veins, but even when you hear the worst of news it can sometimes be hard to find peace with what you receive. Today, because of the sweetness in the peace that I have in my life, I feel rewarded because the universe saw fit to acknowledge my catching of its curb balls, serving lemonade from its lemons and making better decisions when presented with forks in my road's journey, with giving me PEACE. I realized that after jumping hurdles, exceeding expectations, proving the pharisees to be wrong, living past dates of life expectancy and carrying all the weights in the world that would have otherwise buried me, that one of the most satisfying feelings in the world is to be at PEACE. I have no regrets, no issues and am committed to staying that way. That's right!
Promises
The truth is, that our days are numbered, and no one is promised tomorrow; Therefore, today is the most important day of your life. It is that day, that if you left yesterday a "Whole mess" you can fix that today and paint it with "Wholeness". It's true, its reality and it surely is real, believe me! I say this to people all the time, but it more so has been resounding in my life as of late, because of what I see and feel around me. Premonitions have a funny way of making you set things in order and I'm okay with that, because, my eyes are wide enough to see the fullness of Life and thereof.
My Dearest PHAMLI,From my heart to yours, this reflection and piece are speaking loudly. Life is more than what you are able to make it, because there is only so much that you can do with the strength and creativity of your human hands, so don't be a stranger to God... I offer the Fruit of my Epiphany as a seed...That it grows in your spirit and that today you truly take time out to reflect, forgive, find peace love your loved ones, aspire to be the best at what you're already good at and commit to taking care of your body, mind and soul. Keep your spirit clear, ears open to good things, eyes ready to receive beauty and mind fertile for great things to take place.
I send out prayers for your families, finances, health, relationships, jobs, etc., to all of the communities, ministries and organizations that support me, may your visions and missions be carried out and may you have an awesome affect on every life that you touch. I pray that anyone who reads this sees all the greatness in this life that you truly desire to see, that you think more of yourself than you already do in the most healthiest way, that you always seek to encourage and uplift and never tear down. That everywhere you place your feet you are blessed and everything great that you attempt to do prospers. May you always be uplifted at your most hardest and lowest times and may good health follow you all the days of your life. May your living never ever ever be in VAIN.
For today this entry has been spoken from the depth of my soul.
Until NEXT TIME
Be Well
Belazadu'm
