SURVIVAH

FROM MY HEART TO YOURS

The Inspiration for writing this particular piece, came from so many sources. I have a heart for all people, but "Superwomen" and those who desire to move mountains are close to my heart.

Lately I've been doing quite a bit of reading about many of the great women who because of their actions, changed the course of history and helped to birth many of the freedoms that we some times take for granted. Anyway, I will share about the beautiful things that I've found, in a later piece!

There are things in this life that you will never understand, even if you tried to, and there are things that you will see and hear that you will not be able to identify and label, but be not dismayed, as you will GET every morsel of wisdom and knowledge meant for you, if you are willing to receive it. Pay attention. YMC

Morning Has Broken
As I stood my tallest and faced the biggest storm in my life, I looked around and saw life's dew, giving away to diamond dust. In this case it wasn't a matter of perception, because the sky was decorated with clear diamonds that became crushed by my own hands as I reached for the stars. As I was removing my cape, I noticed that it was torn in 7 places, I removed it slowly and began to mend the holes, with my special "thread of mercy". I hung it up, and opened my wings, so that they could breathe, rest and dry, as I've been gliding through some storms today. (get that somebody!)



The Still of the Night

I'm sitting at my computer and as always my home is quiet. I just turned off the evening news and turned on a CD that I made that included songs by Yolanda Adams, Beethoven, Diane Reeves, Fred Hammond, Craig David, Juanita Bynum, Will Downing, India.Arie, Raul Midion & Robin Thicke. This is a tranquil but mysterious moment, as I really need to be sleeping, but somethings pulling on my soul...I'm retreating tonight, as all that I've used, desires to be MINISTERED TO, SO THAT I CAN BE REPLENISHED.



I decided to go and sit on my favorite couch - right there on the left, to elevate my feet and lay my head back. As I began to exhale, tears began to roll back into my locks and I said "Oh Father"! I feel like I've been going and going non stop for months and this is the first time I've taken a minute. Last week was full of lessons, thank yous, major decisions, interesting news, so on and so forth. I can't say that its been easy, but one thing that was impressed upon me, is how important what you do while you're here is. So I began to write and this is what was on my heart...



an excerpt from


Shacklespear

Could it be that too many centuries have gone past where

we've been laid to rest and forgotten

because life was moving fast

and there was too much busy nothing to do

and all chaos is waiting still, for the arrival of today

hiding and disguising your present from you

Our songs...those sweet songs are no longer sung

because they choose not to fathom our melodies

when days are sweet and full

and the soul of the aromas that would fill the Domestic Kingdoms

with rich goodness, creating a hunger and thirst within their reasons to

LIVE

If we were taller than Tuesdays then they'd chisel our names in the black top,

beyond the back where they shrine the have nots

leading to the big houses where, those that pay to be remembered gather

Sometimes I think that they too would remember me, but now, it only seems that the present's value is the key...

It's been a long road, and the shackles, crowns and spears lay here, some buried by fear of colored discovery

Some make moral deals with the adversary

willfully, because they believe in the will of their own strategies

Average beings aspiring to obtain meaning

only to find their shine, beyond the lines in due time

then our next generations ask, is freedom davyine or

truly mine

like wine, its aged and caged

then recycled and relayed past the concious...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2009

The Heart of a Queen

We rise early in the morning, to see our children off, take care of our family's, run our businesses, cook, clean, work, mentor, nurture, build, etc...We are destined by nature to COMFORT CREATION and assist in all of its pulchritude. We are those that stand behind, next to, in front of and beside GREAT PEOPLE. We are the pillars of communities, teachers, scholars, advisors, soldiers, writers, educators, presidents, ministers, entrepreneurs, poets, storytellers, etc... We were built to succeed, endure, conquer, live, stand and carry the weight of our own visions. We are healers, strengthened by the wisdom of our own experiences. We are strategists, masters, leaders, intercessors, warriors, nurturers. We are those that paint pictures of beautiful countries for the blind to see...






Wo'Man

The strength of a woman is true and proven; It can not be touched, duplicated or denied. We were all created with specific, distinctive and marvelous attributes. We are very different, as no two roses grow exactly the same. We possess spiritual pieces that strengthen our drives. We were created equal, and are commissioned to uplift the world and destined for greatness. We are a mighty breed, like the aged wines consumed by the disciples at the last supper. We have exclusive rights to the Throne of God, and have been called Queen by the Matured Kings. We are Lifted...
Fine Wine
You'll always find a queen circling her throne after a storm, she wastes no time on damage done, but instead uses her time wisely to prepare for the the rage of the storms to come. She has imperfect balance, but a willingness to achieve a healthy equilibrium for survival. She respects mother nature, but is aroused by her own opinions. She has a pure and Innocent sense of reality, and is humored by the enemy's ability to make a fool of himself. She is the most confident and sees, feels and hears praise, even when rocks are thrown, and bitter lies are spoken. She is a Queen...They will be the ones sharpening their swords, polishing their shoes and bronzing their shackles for good luck. They are crowned and validated by their own sense of moral.


Loosed!

*To every woman who has ever walked away and hidden at the end of her day, without any one to check on her

*To those sistahs on lock down who didn't do it, and those women incarcerated who sincerely didn't mean to do it

*To every woman who feels alone, and that no one cares about you

*To all women who have been lied on, cheated on, talked about, mistreated, used, scorned, cursed, hurt, dissed because of your size, lied to, mislead, lost a child or loved one, survived illness, lost good friends over money, been molested, been raped, been mentally, psychologically, emotionally and physically abused.

*To those mothers who desire to be better, but don't know how

*To those women that believe that THIS IS IT and that the best will never come to them

*To those women who have given up on themselves and God

*To the women who live in places where no one cares about whether they live or die

*To those women who are afraid to be and ashamed of who you are, because of who you love

*To women who can't hold their heads up or excel because they are anchored by their own baggage

*To all of the daughters that lives have been affected by their broken relationships with their mothers

*To the sisters who can't heal or feel

*To the women who choose to mend their brokenness with promiscuity

*To the black sheep and out casts, who think they will never fit or be accepted

*To the women who have tasted the bitterness of continuous disappointment

*To every woman, across the land that is afraid to love and be loved

I send a Promise to you...

SURVIVAH

To all women who have survived, the bite of fate's nemesis and endured the most difficult storms simultaneously in this life. I proffer my "herstory" as a manifestation of my commitment to UPLIFT AND ELEVATE YOU. I applaud you for deciding to live another day. This is my ODE TO YOU. I care, I understand and I know your stories even though I've never heard them. I intercede for all of you, even though I don't know your name or your location, but I KNOW YOU STILL, FOR WE ARE JOINED AT THE SPIRITUAL HIP. I send prayers and love in the currents of the breeze, that flow from the hills where our help rests.

My Dearest PHAMLI,

One thing that I continue to hear in my soul, is LET THE HEALING BEGIN! The way that we as women were built is Amazing. I like to call us Awesome Wonders, because of how we manage our lives. Although we are imperfect, we are still here. I give honor to the brothers as we can't forget that God made them too; however, I am talking about my sisters. I am grateful that you took the time to read this piece. I ask that you send it to a woman or women who might need encouragement or a pick me up, as we are all in this life together.

If you never hear sweet words, and if no one ever tells you how much you are appreciated or that you are important. I want you to know that:

YOU MATTER, YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND ON YOUR BEST DAY YOUR STARS SHINE BRIGHT FOR ALL TO SEE, YOUR WOUNDS CAN HEAL, YOU CAN FORGIVE, YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, YOU ARE BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE OR HOW YOU FEEL, THINGS WILL WORK OUT IN YOUR FAVOR IF YOU BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND STAY POSITIVE.

an excerpt from "SURVIVAH"

...They gathered on the foot printed beaches of Deborah's Cove, all carrying their scarves given to them by the guest of honor. Many were weeping and shedding tears, of joy and some silent, but moving swiftly still in place.

There stood 70 angels singing joyfully mesmerizing the attendees with their gifts of worship, their praise, seemed fit for battle and their garments long and touched with a hint of burgundy. The tides were low, though there were rumors of the waring of the seasons on this day.

The clear sky showed the heart of creation forming yet again on this new day, no rain and a perfect breeze. The aroma of Hyacinth and beautiful wines filled the air, and as everyone was instructed to stand, in walked the one that they all had known. She needed no introduction for this day was destined to come, she smiled and reached out both of her hands to touch them all with love. As she moved forward she bid them farewell with a nod of approval and blew her last kiss in the wind. This is a piece of her story...

...She walked through the streets smiling and speaking words of life to every living thing and she lead the broken to the living waters, welled by the streams of grace.

she showed them all to the place where words that were pregnant with promise were awaiting the birth of their fruit

She helped the crutched, the hateful, the hopeless, the prejudice, the sick, the hurting, the faithless, the oppressed. and the possessed, find restoration
She gave the insecure a reason to love themselves and the outcasts a prodigal son's welcome

She searched the earth and left no rock unturned rendering hugs, and smiles and encouragement to the needy
She flew high and wrote words of wisdom in the sky for all to see
She was feared by the adversary because of her strategy
and praised after every battle on unblocked stages for everyone see her victory
She brought the children to a place where they could feel love
and the addicted, she journeyed them across waters, along side the son
She taught faith through her actions
and showed mercy by the acceptance of her own grace
and at the end of her days

She walked up stairs with a broken wing
limping as she cleared her own tears from the pain that she too carried in her heart
She blotted the blood from her brow that saw many stones
thrown from those who didn't understand her purpose
she wet the pallet of her lip from the last drops of water left in her flask
that she carried with her throughout time

As she was reaching the top of the stairs and approaching her seat at the right hand
she mouthed, I'm tired and ready to be seated
and when she stood at the top, before she placed her wings to rest
she heard the calls of those that needed her still and turned around
and began walking down the steps to show love to the world again
...

UNTIL NEXT TIME

NAMASTE'

Yahminah McIntosh

Hold On

...The things that we sometimes hear and see in our sleep are clear reflections of what are happening in the present, some of which we know and many of which we don't know; However, many of the dreams that we experience during restless nights are mere deflections of the fears that we hold close to our hearts...YMC Fear not, be patient, aspire to overcome, for all that you now intuitively know, is more than you yourself believed that you could understand before this time. Think positive, be lifted, be uplifted and be encouraged, for in this day, you shall be set free by a much needed peace, indeed.

YMC

RestPHULL

I opened my eyes, because for some reason this night seemed longer than the last. I just looked over at my favorite alarm clock. and it said 12:43 A.M., and when I closed my eyes and opened them again, the clock said 12:51 a.m.. Wow, time seemed to have slowed down, not that I was in any rush for the morning to come, because no wet eyes here! I got out of bed and tip toed to my computer, I grabbed my remote and turned on my stereo, hit shuffle and and by the luck of the draw, guess what started playing? Jennifer Hudson singing "I've Changed", An interesting choice for this early morning mini retreat. As always, I began analyzing the moment, and allowed my self to enjoy the thought of the fact that I have changed. It was dark and the light of the moon was bouncing off of my tumbler filled with green tea.

An Open Eye

The next song that began to play had me grooving, but in a different way, Wilson Phillips' song Hold On! This is one of the many songs that are near and dear to my heart. I began to assess my recent experiences as well as my writings, and saw the story that I never thought I'd live to tell, begin to take PHORM!. So I thanked God for another moment and began to write!

I am grateful for this "STILLNESS' tonight, because it's mine. I feel most open right now as I think that I am getting through the most difficult stages of this GROWING THING. When the rest of this day unfolds, I am sure that it will be most exciting and interesting. I'm sure I'll greet my loved ones with a Huge Smile, enjoy their presence and go on with my day. Always make sure that the people you love and that love you know how you feel, because if tomorrow never comes, will they ever know?

Declaration

I must declare that there are just some things that I am finding to be most interesting, like How God is dealing with me, the things that I now see that I never saw, the things that I hear that I never heard, and all that I am becoming, that I never thought I could become. So many cliche's, but they are true. It's like when you have a new born baby and they wake up in the middle of the night, to be held, rocked or to feed on the good sweet breast milk. Anyway, that's just me and my metaphoric analogies!

2nd... Chances

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you wouldn't have...? Well I have, and that's a dangerous place to be, because it's not like we are "Benjamin Button" and we live our lives backwards! We must be intentional about going forward into Good Places, and set our affections on the Greater Good. The way that I resolve my thinking in this area is to think of what I can do differently moving forward. Every area of our lives, can stand to be tweaked and that's the beauty of it all. Remember that you always have a chance to MAKE BETTER CHOICES AND DECISIONS. What I have found is that when you take chances on taking the granted opportunities to Do Better, you miss out of A CHANCE OF A LIFE TIME.

Remember, that No matter what you experience, your endurance and resilience is paramount to who you ARE BECOMING.

Blessings to PHAMLI,

This is what was on my heart, early this morning! As always things come to me in pieces, and I'm good with that. I express it, how I see it. I send out prayers and positive vibrations to all who will receive it. Keep your Heads Up, Stay Positive and Keep it Moving. Once you find yourself, never lose yourself. Grab hold to what you know to be beautiful, positive and true and TAKE OWNERSHIP OF IT. I pray for your families, jobs, health and relationships and businesses, that you prosper fully beyond your most wildest dreams. May you experience Good Love and Pure Joy.

Until Next Time

Yahminah McIntosh

...an excerpt from

HOLDING ON

One day some thing is going to happen in your life that will

tear you up, break you down and make you cry

don't let it hold you down, and waste time chasing your tail,

asking yourself the reason why

Just know that, from this you'll heal and grow

and things will change, and things will go your way

IF YOU JUST HOLD ON FOR 1 MORE DAY, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.

...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2009

Freedom

Reflection

It is most interesting how time comes to a close, its always the same routine, morning, afternoon, evening and night. We get up, we work, we get home we go to bed. Well in the course of our routines we have to make a conscious effort to make time to pay attention to ourselves, our loved ones and our lives. Reflection is Key in Survival, because nothing can be accomplished and stick, if you never know what's going on in your life.

The Plan

Take a moment to reflect on your life. Put aside everything else that distracts you from thinking clearly and sit down, relax and write down your goals visions and aspirations that you have. Make them all plain and be realistic about each and every one of them.

This is a personal self evaluation that we all must do, as we take an assessment of ourselves. I believe it will help make clear the direction in our lives that we are going. Create your own personal life plan. If you have a significant other, partner or "SO" share your plan with them and seek to have a fruitful discussion. I believe that we should always be open to share our dreams, goals and aspirations with those that are at our sides, because its important to be on one accord. Remember you can conquer nothing divided but on one accord you can change your world ;).

Make your life plan as simple as you want but completely full of what you desire, don't complicate it with your own insecurities. I don't believe in making New Year Resolutions but New Day Resolutions, because you only own the moments and minutes in time where you stand.

LIFE

I believe that we all desire to be happy, be filled with joy and problem free; However, the reality of that is, that life is only what you make it, and because we are imperfect people, we will sometimes sow imperfect actions that get not so desirable results. Take time this week to think about where you want to see yourself in 1 year from today and how you will get there. The idea is to always get better and not to regress.

Potential with hard work births Maturity and Fruit. Maturity Births Wisdom, and coupled together they will both have great results.

Think about what areas you need to improve in?

How will you go about improving these areas?

What are your short term goals for the upcoming year?

What will you be more intentional about?

How will you make time to rest your mind?

What distractions will you eliminate and what things do you need to remove out of your life so that you may function more efficiently?

Think about how you can become a better steward of your finances, the material and effectual possessions that you have?

This piece is short but meaningful, and carries a message to all that every day is precious and even though we may encounter things that may hinder growth in areas that we need to grow in, progress does not ever have to be stopped. I pray for freedom of the mind to all and that you all embrace the opportunity to live your fullest life, no matter what you go through, what you've done and what the journey lies ahead looks like. Remember, it ain't over until its over, and when the Fat lady begins to sing, hope

she's on key because her tunes stop nothing!

My Dearest PHAMLI,

As always I encourage you to take time out for YOU today. I can not impress upon you how important every single moment of your life is. Although this thought can be pressure filled it shouldn't, it should be more of an encouragement for us to GET TO WHERE WE NEED TO BE. Live today as if its your last, because no one is ever promised tomorrow. Sow good seeds today in your life in the people that you love, in the universe and all around you and don't be afraid of being your best in this day. Remember that words have wings, and if you believe it, whatever the it is can happen. As many of us are ambitious, driven and hopeful people beginning to look at yourself and fine tuning YOU, is paramount in achieving the great successes that we DESIRE.

Assess your attitude and way of thinking. Are you on a fast track to upward mobility or are you regressing? Growth is Important in your existence and essential to a good and healthy survival in every area of your life. I pray that you are strong enough to look at your life as a blank and exclusive canvas, where only the most cherished colors can be used. My suggestion is to use them, and choose your colors wisely. I wish you well and loads of Prosperity and Joy! I send a wave of Love and Encouragement to all of you TODAY, AND EVERYDAY THAT YOU ARE GRANTED A CHANCE TO BE HERE.

...Miracles are born in an atmosphere of expectancy...YMC

an excerpt

FREE
...No matter what you do in this day
may it yield, desired blessings for you
and may the sun shine through your smile
for darkened souls to see, helping them to get through
may everything you touch flourish
and may you prosper beyond your wildest dreams
and respect your human nature
appreciate your precious and gifted moments here

and may you have unspeakable joy

at your driest times, and be replenished by life's streams
focus on good things
and may your heart be granted
it's deserved requests
and may you be at peace
and embrace tranquility as you rest
and may you have provision for your every need
and at every MOMENT IN THIS DAY FEEL FREE
...INDEED

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2009

UNTIL NEXT TIME

BE WELL

NAMASTE'

The Fruit of Thanksgiving

The Fruit of Thanks Giving
Many times we underestimate the power of being thankful, when we should be grateful and thankful for all things in our lives. I believe that when we begin taking what we have been given for granted, we will sometimes have the unfortunate experience of feeling it's ABSENCE. I have so much to be thankful for, and there would be no way to fit it all within the limitations of 1 day; However, right now is a great time to start making intentional efforts to show my gratitude and give thanks!

GRACE

Yes today's grace will be said before and after dinner, but what about the grace said when the day opened and has come to a close. When you really think about it, there are too many people in the world, that suffer from lack in areas of their lives (food, health, relationSHIPS, finances, employment, spirituality, etc...) that I have no choice but to be grateful for being better today than I was yesterday and having more in this moment (even though it may not seem like much) than I had in the moment before. Appreciation for life, will grow you, and as you go through the pains of your own growth and realization, it will change your life. There would be less complaining and more thankfulness if more of us aspired to embrace this perspective. I believe in the principle of "Sowing and Reaping" and that if you sow gratitude and thankfulness, you will receive more of what you desire in return.

The Acknowledgement
If it is hard for you to audibly say THANK YOU, then say it to yourself, but whatever you do, acknowledge what you are grateful and thankful for, whatever it is, and just don't stop here, do it more and more every day that is ENTRUSTED TO YOU BY THE CREATOR.

ME

I'm a survivor and if God didn't do anything else, I would take that notion to that place where my spirit would ascend. To be in my Right Mind, Have a Clean Heart and have the will to succeed, the power to push pass the pain, the ambition and resilience to keep on moving in spite of it all and the Vision to see pass all smoke screens that have been put up before me is amazing. Off course I'm grateful for these cushioned slippers that I've been wearing sine early this morning, while I was cooking and the fact that all of my food turned out GREAT! OOHWEE

I am grateful for my family, my son, my "Davyine 1", my Health, my PHAMLI, my friends and my enemies! I could go on and on and on...

A Personal Message

I was moved by the email that I received from the young lady Maya who's autistic daughter was hospitalized at the same hospital where my son "Judah Man" was.

Thank you for such kinds words, and your support. It was a blessing to meet you and Beth. Even though a great deal of time has passed, thank you for holding the words that I spoke to you in your heart. I saw something in you, that I saw in myself not too long ago. Stay Encouraged and Be Strong, because like your precious daughter, My SON is a Prince who was destined to be here. You have so much to be thankful for and just when you are unable to cry anymore tears, the morning will come. I pray that you receive all the love and support that you need and to nurture your seeds. Keep your head up, and know that everything will be just fine.

My Dearest PHAMLI,

I pray that you have a Wonderful Thanksgiving...Take time to reflect and be Thankful. Remember, no matter what it looks like, feels like, sounds like, YOU HAVE ALOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR. Even though we all complain, lets try to do less of that and more of the opposite. Bless your families, your jobs, your finances, your friendships, your health and your relationSHIPS.

Until Next Time!

Be Well

Namaste'

Yahminah

an excerpt from

The Amen Corner

My house was still filled with ones that I love

whose bellies were full and mouths filled with laughter

I thought I would be able to rest around 5,

but when I looked up it was

6 or a little after

the dishes done, plates were made and I bowed out of the conversations

to catch that much needed minute of breath that I needed to take

so I removed my blue apron and placed my towel on the rack

and walked into the dining room and told my guests that I would be right back

I poured myself a special blend of organic juices over crushed ice

and I opened the back door adorned with my a recent picture I painted

that lead to that place

where I could relax, laugh and cry and no judgement could fit in its space

This was my personal holy place, where only bare feet and pure souls were welcome

like the jook joint of my soul,

where when I was overwhelmed, broken or over joyed I would always go

So I began to climb, one step at a time, placing my left hand on that wounded knee

and as goosebumps saw fit to clothe my arms

Grace began to pull me, and my face was dressed with a beautiful smile

unlike the one that those close to me are used to

but that one that can be seen when the GOOD light of the SUN shines upon my face

I reached the top of the stairs and looked back and that door had closed quietly behind me,

that I don't remember doing but, what was waiting for me in the next 9 steps

had all of my attention

so I hung my tension and my stress on the Pewter hooks to the right

and I laid my burdens down at the bar of this transition in life

and sat in my favorite Crimson Persian chair, that sat in this Amen Corner

I inhaled the aroma of Tunisian Patchouli and Lavender and

Exhaled for the longest time and watched all of my cares, leave my nostrils

and waltz under the bare wooded skylights that embraced the transition of the setting sun

I was good, it was perfect, the unprecedented peace and tranquility of this moment was amazing,

I closed my eyes and rested my head on my rice filled pillow and began to hum

my rendition of Shug Avery's song Sistah from the "Color Purple"

with every note that I sang, I heard my named being called, as my disappearance

had just become apparent...I smiled, and felt the presence of my sister

as if she was walking up the stairs into this place

even though she had no physical legs to walk with

only wings that she used, when she descended to watch over me

My spirit began to harmonize with her, "Just a Closer Walk Thee"...

When I opened my eyes, She wasn't there but I was holding a Bright white feather in the palm of my left hand

and tears began rolling down the sides of my face, and backwards into my locks and

I opened my mouth and at first I was happily choked up

and couldn't speak a word

and all that my soul could say was THANK YA, THANK YA, THANK YA...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2009

PHOCUS PHACTOR - The Eccentric 1

Dream Big!

Yes, many of us can sit for hours and hours on end, thinking of things we would like to do and accomplish. Most times this is outside of the things that we are already doing. I remember looking out of our front window when I was younger, looking across the lane at our neighbors loading up their Crown Victoria , (they always went out of town in the summer to Savannah, GA which was several hours away with four children). It seemed like they had coolers and coolers full of food, because stopping along the road was too expensive.

I would always say to myself, "When I get older and travel I want to have a comfortable van with an a-track and big ole' tv set in the back"! It seems as though even then I was always thinking in "upgrades", for some odd reason.

Like when I was in fifth grade and would finish my homework (usually quicker than most of the other students), I would ask my spelling teacher if it was okay to hand out quizzes to my classmates, to ask them questions about how much homework they do, what they do at home after school, if they like the new school additions, what subjects they like, clothes so on and so forth. She thought it was hilarious but I was serious.

From my questionnaires I was able to have after school meetings in the gym with the 4, 5, 6 and 7th graders and we would dance, sing, organize bake sales. I tell you being nominated class president before leaving would have been the highlight of my life, but life called.

The Excitement
As I grew older, I began to notice that I would ALWAYS look for the unique and unconventional in every situation. Whether it be in writing papers (I would always approach it from an uncommon perspective) or dressing (when I wasn't in our traditional habiliment) I was always partial to business attire even as a young one, I was always considered peculiar and would tell everyone that I would change the world when I grew up!

I didn't know how I would do it, but all that I knew was that I looked at most things as if there was a better version of it. To tell you the truth I get excited about the simplest things, like brand new cold sheets, or the smell of Downy in my Car! I actually cut a step when I design a new page for PHAMLI, because I love color and change! I can't stand for things to stay the same within reason off course.

Even now, mostly everything that I look at or think about, I almost always have a different interpretation of it, or think about how I can go about improving the function of things. I don't do this because its not good enough, but because I get excited about change! It can be changing the color of my bathroom every couple of months, changing furniture around, learning a new language, eating at the same restaurant and trying something completely different, you name it I will probably be thinking of a way to change that moment, for me at least.

Now, knowing this about myself, I began to realize that I get bored quick and instead of making a mess of important things in my life, I've learned to find the newness in almost everything. Now, honestly if I am unable to recreate a "regenerated" version of whatever I have become satisfied with, I will work my darnedest to find a way to not become complacent, because this is something that I HATE.

I attribute my ability to keep my area of function and effort in a relationSHIP new to my desire to feel that subconscious buzz. I believe that anything you put your mind to you can do, so why can't we be happy and positive most of the time, no matter whats going on. I believe that its a matter of perception for most things, and I just choose to perceive the mundane as pressing indicators that something fresh needs to take place.

Just my Imagination. . .
Literally running away with me. One thing about me that has never changed was my ability to Dream and utilize my imagination to paint pictures of how I wanted things to be. Being an eccentric visionary has been my intellectual insignia.

Many of us are dreamers and throughout our lives have been called strange or maybe people would say, "oh here comes that one!", because we would ask questions like, "why does the sun set before the moon comes?" or "can you tell me why most bikes are ten speeds? Lol! Often times we are called Savants, braniacs, geniuses, crazy or having ADHD, the last two; However, are used to describe us when people don't understand why we can do things so easily that it is harder for others to do or why we see color WHERE NONE HAS BEEN FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. Well Who cares what we're called as long as we can hear our own voices and can love our own gifts.

Now with the foundation being laid, lets get down to the nitty gritty!


BREAK IT DOWN andRelease what's Dragging!
Now dreaming, ain't nothing like it, and day dreaming, even better, something nice to fill space and take up time, and yes you can't forget those hobbies that are such fun that we buy tons of supplies for and do research on and find whats left of them that next year sitting in our hallway linen closets. Consistency is the Key to Success in any area of life, and Persistence is essential to the growth needed in order to learn the required undertaking of your function in the advancement of your Purpose. Confidence in your own abilities to finish what you start is essential to achieving any goal (Otherwise, why start if you don't believe that finishing is an option, telling yourself that you just dream well is Ludacris, don't waste your energy). Resilience is the oscillation of Ambition, for without it you will be ambushed and then defeated, then placed in a box without holes.

Discipline (D.V.A.G.)

Dreams, Visions, Ambitions and Goals are all great and must be safeguarded with a Bona Fide Mission to succeed, and undeniable determination to Subsist. Do you know when a good Idea becomes a member of the of the D.V.A.G family, RIGHT AT THE MOMENT YOU HAVE IT. Don't sit on a good idea and wait for others to showcase your idea, because you will find yourself drowning in a lake of nasty regrets. Why do that to yourself when all you have to do is discipline your self to commit to the development of your own gifts.

Its great having a Beautiful Mind and Gifts, oh how cute that can be, but when they are mastered and properly utilized can be Dynamite. Often times when starting a new project we should focus on finishing that specific project and if it has multiple pieces, organizing your thoughts and pprioritizing will make each portion of your project move smoother and aide you in finishing.

PHOCUS

Its no secret that most of us would prefer starting on new things simultaneously and then moving on to the next, the problem is we don't end up finishing the first one we started. That's how you come up with people who are "Jacks of All Trades" and even though that is commendable, how much do they really know how to do well? unless they have mastered all? How about starting with 1 at a time.

I believe that we have the ability to do many things well; but the only way that that is possible is if we finish and master one thing at a time. Its like being in college and trying to have 6 majors and 12 minors, just because and end up failing all or passing with C's on every subject. Really? Or how about budgeting $50 for a grocery run to make lasagna (based on a previous run to the store), and you get there and buy everything but the makings for your meal and get home and have half of what you need for 3 different meals.

Being able to focus is pumping hard through the veins of discipline, staying in your lane, your life, your season and getting where you need and desire to be IN YOUR TIME are all up to YOU. Its like working on strictly commission, you only make your effort brings forth. It's the same in this instance, look at your abilities as Valuable sources of effectiveness and your time as a precious tool. Make a list of your priorities and stick to it, and when you find yourself leaving course, GET IT IN CHECK! It makes no sense to have a thousand brilliant ideas and no FRUIT. Changing your mindset about the consequential lacking of your focus will CHANGE YOUR LIFE and your days will be filled with NURTURING AHA MOMENTS!

Components of Failure

Have you ever felt stuck or, like you were moving in slow motion, unable to get to that next level of accomplishment in your life? There are many things that can distract you, that place barriers between you and your destiny, ultimately leaving you on the side lines waiting to be watered, during the finishing of your own race.

The Matters of the Heart :Often times emotional attachments, no matter on what level can unintentionally monopolize the energies needed to invest into your projects. Most times if not realistically redirected can become hindrances instead of helpers. Yes dear this is what love feels like, but you can't sit in that chair day dreaming about them all day, because love literally doesn't pay the light bills; However, being a Love investor in pursuing your D.V.A.G. can and will! Just as you cater to your partner or can't wait to hear their voice or see them after a long day, you have to INVEST that same exact ENTHUSIASM INTO PHOCUSING ON YOUR D.V.A.G..FYI: If they are the one for you, they will encourage this, and will feel no ill will about the redirection of the appropriate amount of energies that you will put into doing YOU.

If trying to heal from pain, get ready because the worst is yet to come; However, use that feeling to fuel your success. I know its hard but you will congratulate and cheer for yourself when you get through. (I will talk more about this is a later entry)

Misdirection of Energy, Laziness and Procrastination

There is an art to Positive thinking, JUST PHOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS. I'm not suggesting that you become numb to life but BLINK (let it go) when you don't know what to do with whatever it is that may cloud your judgement, is breaking your heart or impairs you from moving forward. YOU CAN BE YOUR GREATEST ALLY OR YOUR WORST ENEMY. Seek the positive in every situation and try your best not to harp on things that don't matter and the things that do will work out in time.

Don't sit on what you know you have to do. Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Manage your time, create and keep a schedule. It's only as serious as you make it, and only as important as you allow it to BE.

My Dearest PHAMLI,

I hope that you understand that there are D.V.A.G. that were birthed out of ideas that we all carry sitting inside of our souls, we must get them out. Whether it be education, gifts, parenthood, partnership, arts, etc...work on it to the best of your ability. Trust me it will help you to be a more well rounded person, when you learn how to master one thing at a time. I desire for us all to get exactly where we want to be. I believe the everyone needs an accountability partner with whom they can share themselves with. I believe that your partner should be this for you; However, if they are not (I guess that's something you should consider, right!?) please find someone that you can trust that will value you as you do yourself. In the meantime, be good to you, stay PHOCUSED and know that DREAMS, VISIONS, AMBITIONS AND GOALS ARE FOLLOWED BY ACTION. Indeed

Be Well

Namste'

Yahminah McIntosh

An Excerpt from

Empress

I had a dream

that showed everything in the world being fixed

but as I woke, all that I remember was that my feelings were mixed

elated I was, but knew it was a trick

from the enemy because of how excited I get

knowing that meeting a need

in this here coldness of a world that breeds

anger, so that I can manufacture smiles

and deprevation of love, that I may

open these gifts and bare them spread

through my journey of trials

my mouth filled with nothing but childlike laughter

and eyes that twinkle at the site of the bone dry

carrying tissues from heaven, and shovels from

the earth, that I may heal the brokeness of

the history that reigns high...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2008


Stay tuned for my new Piece, "Starting Over", which is the most honest, candid, expressive piece about where I've been, what I've gone through, How I weathered the Storm, what I've Learned, where I'm going, what project I'm working on and What's to come.

Get Lifted, Be Well & Stay Blessed
Namaste'

Love YMC

The Lupus Strut

A Refreshing Moment!
Today is a good day! I had a wonderful weekend, my performance went well (Thank the Lord) and I was able to take a minute to gather my thoughts, reflect and enjoy a little quiet time! Every day that is granted to me, is one that I enter with expectancy and excitement, and I look forward to what the unfolding of the day will bring! I'm listening to music by my favorite classical composers Antonio Salieri, Bach, Beethoven, Ray Lynch and Mozart! They always seem to soothe me, and give me inspiration when I begin to write. I especially love the freedom of the compositions and their individual styles, I find that we have this in common!
My Memory Serves me...

As always my mind is going and I'm thinking of many things, but one of them that is standing on the top of my head and tip of my tongue, is what my memory has served me. I like to call it my "Dish of Destiny", so to speak. You know how when you go through life and things are going well and you're reminded of something that you've been through that was not easy to get through and you have the scar to prove it? Well that is kind of my case on this cold winter evening and that's just fine...

The Lupus Strut

About eight years ago, I began having issues with my skin while in the sun, problems with my back, pain in my knees and bad headaches. I used to be a workaholic, didn't use a sunblock and at times would suffer from migraines, so I didn't make anything of it. It was only until my discomfort worsened that I consulted the advice of my primary physician and immediately he began running diagnostic tests. Needless to say, even with my family health history being what it is, he was unsuccessful in finding out what was going on with my body and told me to get more rest and begin taking a multi-vitamin.

So I did, and kept going on with life, in the fast lane, working 80 hour weeks, without hardly any sleep, and dealing with deadlines, pressures and everything that goes along with them until, my body slowly started to shut down.

Oh My God!

One night I was resting in bed on my left side trying to get comfortable and I was having that awful pain in my knees, and back, but this time I began having them in my hands and ankles too. I decided to sit up in bed and had the hardest time pushing myself up, so when I did, I swung my legs over the side of my bed and fell clear on the floor. Ker plunk! I tried to stand and fell again. I was terrified, because I had never been through anything like that before, after about five minutes I was able to stand up and get a good balance and went to get a drink of water and sat in my recliner.

My mind was racing and my heart was beating so fast, because I didn't know what was happening, and even though I was able to get up off of the floor and walk, I knew that something was terribly wrong with me, but I had no idea what.

That very next morning I called my doctor and he had me come in right away, and when I began showing him what happened, he said that it sounded like LUPUS and he sent me to a Specialist. Even though I had already been tested for it, LUPUS is one of those diseases that can go undetected for long periods of time and lie dormant. I remember losing a family member a couple of years prior who died from complications with LUPUS, and I remember her being in a wheelchair the last 4 months of her life because her legs no longer worked. Believe me that was not an easy pill to swallow, and you know how we finished the story in our minds, because of fear, especially when we don't know what the outcome will be. Thank God that I'm wiser now!

My Experience

Wow all of this time, I didn't realize that my extreme fatigue, skin irritations, joint pain, inflammation, memory loss and photo sensitivity was because I had LUPUS. After seeing the specialist it took only 3 days to get a telephone call back, for a third meeting to discuss my diagnosis, treatment and prognosis.

I was shocked, being back then a 25 year old woman on the top of her game who was working on her own self discovery and accomplishments, in which wheelchairs, treatment, pain and suffering were not apart of. When the specialist began talking to me and said that it will probably get worse during a flare up, most of my dreams and substance jumped right out of that window behind his desk in that corner office of his.

Keeping it Real

He continued on with treatment options and suggestions for my health and diet, but all I heard was a death sentence. You know how sometimes if you cut yourself without knowing, and it doesn't hurt until you begin looking at it? Well I began to pay attention to all of those bad things that could happen in still of believing that the road would be rough but I could "Walk that Thang Out"!!! It was very difficult dealing with this and I must be honest, back then I was younger and still growing and I had not come completely into my own; and the strength that I have now and wisdom that I've gained from experiences I've had were absent, and I operated somewhat off of fear of the unknown.

Time Will Tell

Through the years, I've experienced rough times, in regards to having LUPUS. I've had to use a cane during flare ups early on, I've had to stay completely out of the sun (meaning I couldn't go home and visit the KEYS for a couple of years), I had to lighten my work load tremendously and change my diet.

With some things within my human nature, I didn't remain consistence, therefore causing sometimes almost unbearable flareups (where my joints would be achy, I would have high fevers, I would have back pain, bad skin irritations, fatigue and chest pain). Even though my doctor and specialists told me what to do in order to keep this LUPUS at bay without many flare ups, and avoid taking the steroids that help to supress the symptoms. I didn't make any commitment to myself to pull through. I love me and wanted to see me do better and I made a decision to work this out for me!

Destroy it!

Time has an awesome way of telling you, your own story in a realistic way! With each day that passed and I was still here, I became more grateful and that simple gratitude precipitated a change in my life, that "Confucious" wouldn't believe. One day I decided that LUPUS was not going to beat me and that I HAD ALREADY CONQUERED IT! I had to go back in time and pass that office building of that specialist and catch those dreams that jumped out of the window and put them in their proper place in my FUTURE.

I was thinking like a person who didn't have any hope and if I could go back and talk to everyone that I met then, who I participated in pity parties with because we all were suffering from the same thing, I would encourage them to change their MINDSETS TOO. I ripped that ending out of my book of life and destroyed it and replaced it with.

THE HOPE THAT I HAVE FOR ALL THINGS!

Don't get me wrong, I still have rough days and flare ups but I am taking the necessary actions that I need to, to stay healthy and reduce the impact of this LUPUS thing!

On one hand I am glad that I didn't know then what I know now, because I would not have a Living Testimony! I had the opportunity to experience the ugliness of LUPUS and come out a WINNER, regardless of what I feel like or what turns life has taken. My smile has gotten a lot bigger since I stopped carrying that burden of fear around!

My Dearest PHAMLI,

I hope that you were blessed by this week's piece. For many years the people in my life had no idea what was going on with me and telling them would have meant that I gave in. Once I decided to make a commitment to stay alive and improve my quality of life, sharing wasn't so bad. There is life after "bad news", and it does not always have to be so grim, trust me, I've Lived it! Although I have listened to lecture after lecture from doctors and specialists, life didn't change, until I took ME more seriously!

God keeps on blessing me, and one thing that I have learned is that He responds to Faith, and for as long as I said that I was going to be alright and didn't believe it, I wasn't, until I began to believe that I would be! I appreciate each day and opportunity that I have, and have worked on complaining about things less and focusing on what I can change more. Even at the times when I am in severe pain, I say to myself, I AM STILL HERE and the best is Yet to Come! Be Blessed, Stay Healthy, love the one you're with and Take time to Make time for You!
Be well
Namaste'
Yahminah

an excerpt from

Ms Wisdom

...No crutch given shall be taken

and no blame cast shall be unjustified

and no chips shall fall upon my treasured shoulders

and no ripples will be allowed in the creation of this here wine

in MY garden, I grow, the necessary fruits

that carry the line of praise

and no weapon in any form that claims a victory

before it sees me, will find unusual defeat

those that find meaning in the words that I mumble

at times when my lips are cacooned

will kiss the feet of fate's spontaneity

and find Utopia in the Universe's Womb

I fret not, because I have not a seed of doubt

and my knowledge of the next

is what repleneshes the pending drought

There will be no blood, and I GIVE no sweat

for what I'm owed

and no crisis shall exist, or mishaps unfold

because my good living, comes at a price

from wars, waged and victoried by the light of the eclipse

Promises kept, and in them I trust

because my trials attract their opposite...

Yahminah McIntosh Copyright 2009