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Making Faces Today I learned so much from my son's life, that caused me to look at myself, make some changes and reflect. I enjoyed being a mommy, today! Laughing and dancing with my son, making faces with him, hugging him, and taking pictures of him, as he posed. (He's so grown) For the first time in my life, I rolled around and played trains with him, and watched him smile as he enjoyed his mommy. It's taken me a long time to arrive at this point, but I love what I've become as a mother. I don't know everything, and I sure wish that he came with instructions ( I tell Ya!), but in the end, I'm glad that he didn't because, I'm learning something new everyday! He's so intuitive and has been paying attention to me all this time, my emotions, what I go through, the things that I say and how I am feeling. He knows my heart, and understands me. I learned how he associates the better part me that makes me whole and how he views my life. Absolutely, life changing moments, within this day, I've had.Judah
My son Micaiah Judah Shalom is 7 years old and is Autistic, and is one of the most amazing little people that I've ever met. His name is like a prayer and statement of power for me, because he was a miracle child. He was born prematurely, he had a weak heart that stopped often, didn't breathe on his own and was given only days to live. How many people reading this know, that just when you try to bury the dry bones, the instruction to speak and bring life could be on the horizon, if you're willing to listen? Now having lost a child before, I knew that there was one thing that I could do, and that was enjoy the time that I would have with him. So, when I looked at him yesterday, I remembered the day that I decided to step out on faith and ignore the what ifs, and probabilities of him living on machines and not having a full life, and began to speak, life over him.
I'm not much for "nay saying or hopelessness" nor do I give too much energy to thinking about what might happen if it doesn't work or negativity, but reality does exist and it can't be ignored, but I usually try to be optimistic in all things. When his eyes smiled at me, I nearly melted and was made happy, because his innocence is priceless. He trusts me and knows that I will take good care of him. I've been blessed enough and still enough to enjoy these moments with him. He's definitely Cymphoni's (my deceased daughter) baby brother, who was sent here to give momma a little piece of love and quiet, a measure of hope and joy, and mountain moving faith. Even though I've claimed him victorious in all things through his life, whether I'm here or not, I discovered his purpose and want nothing less than the absolute best of all things for him. I want him to know that he's loved, enjoy and experience his family and home, and LIVE more Abundantly.
The Busy Bee Anyone who knows me, knows that I was a busy busy busy bee (Lord have mercy), always moving, thinking, working, planning, etc...I really did think that I could save the world, and realized that I needed to get rid of my Jesus complex, real quick, because at the end of the day, I am still human. I never really took the time to smell the roses, but that started to change for me this year, when I discovered my own humanness. And more so today, I decided to not only start smelling them, but picking a couple and planting some new breeds, as I shake off old seeds! (that's right)So, this was a good day, and although there was only 1 thing missing...I have no complaints, no regrets and I'm just plain old happy to be alive. I don't have anything super deep or profound to share, but what I do have is a gift. Today was full of very interesting moments...What I realized is that its not just what you could be praying, wishing and hoping for, but what you do with what's granted to you, and what kind of stewardship you enact to carry your part out. And what you sow in word, thought and action in the meantime, can make all the difference in the world (I honestly believe this).
This year has been an interesting one, filled with many lessons and experiences that are continually shaping and molding me as a person. I've been somewhat still and have found value in some of the most peculiar pieces of myself. I've realized that no matter how strong and tough that I am (smile), that I am still a woman first. I've noticed how quiet I've become, as I've listened to my life change and how I'm learning to pay so many things no never mind...because in the end, life is only what you make it, and when its all said and done, they really don't matter any way. I heard a word yesterday, that has been on my mind; "Make some space and take a Leap of Faith!", now when I heard this, I had to look around and make sure that I was actually sitting and listening, instead of speaking, but boy did the message sound like it was coming from me! I can't tell you how many times, I've been speaking to the choir, while singing lead, and calling the kettle black while making my own ginger tea~ (get that somebody). All in all, I was at a place in my life that I could actually receive it.
The List
So, I was moved to make a list of all of the things in my life that I wanted to change, the things that I wanted to accomplish and everything that I wanted to do before I left this earth. I had to laugh because usually people do things like this on their death beds, but I am very much alive and kicking and just putting things into a healthy perspective. I recognize that "DOWN TIME, is just PREP TIME", while you're WORKING OUT and giving ATTENTION to the things in your life that need a little extra care. I've also noticed that I've been the most blessed, while learning to be more humble, even though it sometimes may seem that my train occasionally loses a signal while on the right track, or that I may miss the Creator on a thing or 2, but I'm good.
Anyway, I'll save the rest of that thought for a later piece! In the mean time smile.
My Dearest PHAMLI,
Today, I just wanted to write or blog..I hope something stuck out and blessed you in some way, as that is always my intention. I send peace, positive thoughts and encouraging words your way. Make a list, check it twice, value your life and don't take anything or anyone for granted.
God Bless
Belazadu'm
Yahminah McIntosh
