Conversations with "PHAMLI": Nice TEA

..It was never in what I would say, but how and how many times that I would say it, as if there were verbal voids to fill, that only my words of sacrifice could satisfy...

Bendable Planets In the midst of your day, one of the most awesome things that you can do is...PAY ATTENTION, and be intentional about not going broke. (Get that somebody). We move so quickly through our lives, and leap from one moment to the next, as if we own them and are ones that we hold the keys and promises to. By rushing through life, we accumulate "baggage", you know those things that you wish you could get rid of, when you all of a sudden find a "good cause". Our hearts become heavier, minds become weighted, intentions confused and outcomes less desirable. Oftentimes, we begin to over compensate by adding a really nice "Breastplate of Flakiness", or a "Sword of Witchiness", in all we end up becoming someone we don't want to be, then can sometimes spend the rest of our lives trying to find ourselves. We begin to bend and compromise our humanity for the sake of the moment and others just to get by, when we already have all of the tools that we need in order to learn how to COPE, GET BETTER, GROW, SOW AND LIVE.

PerPHect Now if you can't relate,then good for you and GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! If you keep no living, believe you me, you will have an issue or two that will show its special head in some way, shape or form...I used to be one of those people that was convinced that I was "Issue-less" ohkay! Honestly, I knew that I had things that I had to deal with, but believed that my dispositions were covered and balanced by my "Over the Top Positive Attitude".

Well not so much...In this season of my life, I discovered something very interesting about myself..that there was something fundamentally broken, in the spokes of my "Life Cycle". I constantly apologized (sometimes for things that I didn't do), I'd over "Please & Thank" people, pay more than my share, sacrifice myself so that I could make peace, etc. It was like I had some kind of deficit and needed to compensate for it. I also realized that I would take on "Other People's Stuff" and blame myself for it, or find some kind of deep interest that created a cross to carry that wasn't mine. What a time, what a time. REAL TALK

Off Course ...I tell you, keeping it real and facing the truth is where TRUE FREEDOM RESIDES. Oh yes its right there, and if anyone else among the perPHECT people tell you different, then they haven't lived yet. See what I realized was that somewhere along the beautiful journey in my life, I became a "Glutton for Pain and Punishment", almost running toward it, if you will. It was like I was on fire, and there were buckets of water on my left and a nice forceful breeze on my right, I would look to the left and smile and take off running to the right, then wonder how I would patch me up and try to heal my wounds from the consuming fire. THANK GOD THAT I WASN'T CONSUMED IN THE FIRE, Amen!

Amen somebody! When frowns, bad attitudes and heavy spirits would make their way into the lives of some that were around me, I would automatically assume that it had something to do with me, then I would waste time asking questions, like, "what's wrong, are you okay, is everything alright, did I do something, do you want to talk about it, can I help, will you be okay, are you mad, are you sad, etc...". I tell you that was the most tiring thing to do, when I had my own life to live and own growing pains to give attention to. Now because I had become weakened by the weight of life's Lemons (and didn't think to pick up the Sugar, water and pitcher), I believe that I became an easy mark to be mistreated at times. Its true what they say about nice people, they are always easy to strengthen so that they can carry the stuff that pains you to carry. Hummmm

Epiphany So guess what fell out of the tree of life within this season, already? Some wisdom and a multitude of AHA Moments! I felt a wave of relief, an internal shift that felt like I just had a chiropractic adjustment. What I realized is that I had been living with a peculiar self-centered sense of unworthiness ~to some degree. It's significant that I had this Epiphany at a time in my life, when I am preparing for the Awakening & Ascension of The Most Powerful ME TO DATE, all while I hold my heart, mind and soul in the palm of my diamond grazed hands...This new sense of awareness of myself, forced me to shine a light on my shadowy areas, it was like turning a huge spotlight on myself. I realized that if I was obsessing about my own feelings, that I was not present and truly engaging with those around me, and would frankly not have the complete affect on them that I had purposed in my heart. Honestly, what I found was that my inability to LET GO and allow everything around me to cease, work itself out, settle, etc...was a disturbing distraction and could ultimately change the course in which I desired to trot.

naKED PHReeDOM I'm grateful for the opportunities that I am granted to learn how to become a better me. Today, if that instinct to want to take on other people's stuff and blame gets triggered, a mechanism inside of me kicks in and starts playing, "Got to Give it Up" By Marvin Gaye and I get to jooking and shaking that feeling off of me.! (Real Talk). It's helped me become a better friend, partner, mother, business woman, writer, motivator, counselor and an all around more effective person. I have learned that its hard to focus on what someone else needs when you're focused on what their problem could mean about you! I still have to take a deep breath every now and then (Because I am human), and collect myself, and remember that I AM MORE VALUABLE THAN the simple disregard for my feelings and substances. I no longer live inside of that little gray box, dressed with moss and grapevines, with little cute misplaced emotions, but instead I am present, standing in the open and distributing my care using THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF MY OWN WISDOM.

My Dearest PHAMLI, The writing of this piece was PEACEFUL AND THERAPEUTIC, because the choir took 5 and I decided to sit in their place and tell the pianist to play me in C! Honestly, with the Newness and Truth of Every moment I am becoming more free than I was the next. I embrace the value in sharing my story, because when you sow the truth into some one's life, it never comes back to you void. At a time in my life, I honestly believed that my personality was only molded by my environment, but what I failed to realize was that if I took time enough to look at the options that were placed in clear view, I always had a choice.

I could choose whether to allow what someone else was going through that had nothing to do with me, affect me or I could be who and what I needed to be, and remain a beacon of light. Although this is only an excerpt of this piece, I pray that you find something within what I've written that you can use. I honestly feel that people shouldn't speak too much if they don't have anything to say, otherwise they will just birth confusion and waste a lot of time. I send a spirit of courage, wisdom and peace to all who will receive it and to all of those o don't know that they need it. I pray that you evaluate your interactions with others and make sure that they are healthy. Until next time, be well, take care of yourself, reach to grab the stars, smile much, take care of your temple, reflect much, pray often, and keep it positive and moving.

Belazadu'm

YMC