SHUGAH, Fire and Ice

I'm sitting by my window, looking at my reflection illuminated by this amber candle, and exhaling...I have a tall glass of ice cold pomegranate and pineapple juice that had been calling my name all evening.  Once again, I'm where I began...being serenaded by my site and enjoying what I hear.  When I began this journey I found "Nevaeh" in the trenches of my tears and now I lay all that is good and well to rest with a nod and a smile with "Morahvu".  Mutzi't

My performance was beautiful and all I can say is that it is well...The more I recite my poetry the deeper I feel the words that I've written. The mind doesn't let you forget, even if you try, but when nice clouds come and take the rain away, why would you want to forget them. Today's performance was different, because it was the first time that I'd recited some of the pieces from my new book, and the passion that poured out of my heart today, gave not only those listening goose bumps, but I still have tears in my eyes...Tonight, was raw and innoccent, pure and real...and comfort opened its arms wide open and called me by name and  I went and I just began speaking what was on my heart and mind..."Let it flow, it's okay" the spirit said and that's exactly what I did. 

I must thank the bass player, drummer and pianist, for a job well done, you guys really blessed me tonight and it was alright with me.  Many blessings upon you and your families. 

DONE

Finishing SHUGAH; Love's Dew (my first book) was a blessing, since it has taken me over two years to release it.  Many of you who have followed my work over the years, know that SHUGAH was the 2nd poem that graced the pages of  "Conversations with PHAMLI".  I tell you in the middle of the night, the piece poured out of my spirit like warm water from the springs of life in the middle of June. I can honestly say, that after experiencing life, it is one of the most prophetic pieces that I've written to date.

There was no editing or changing anything in that poem, it was raw and I delighted in every single word that was written.  I had so many comments on the piece, once I made it public, that it had taken me a couple of days to get through them all.  The responses were warm and positive, and confirmed the energy that the creator blessed me with to write it.  I was so proud of that piece, because of how powerful and beautiful it was. It spoke to my heart's desires, it ministered to hidden pain, it handed me a promise of beauty that little girls dream of, and it expressed an undeniably unconditional and lasting love, that many never have the opportunity to experience and discover in this lifetime.  Yes it was all of that and a bag of celery ;).

 

A Sweet Read

When I went back to read it, I noticed that it encompassed a message, request and statement that one could only understand and receive if they truly desired to feel the fullness of good love.  As I created a platform for my expressions, my readership and interests grew.  I noticed that I was writing more and more about Love, Romance and Building & Maintaining Healthy Relationships.  I covered every topic that my wisdom would allow, Like: "Making Love after War", "Finding Flames in the Freezer", "Elbow Grease - the art of working through the Storm", "The Boo Theory - the true 80/20 rule" "How to keep what you know you'll always miss".  These topics eventually opened up avenues for fruitful discussions and conversations. 

Once I started writing SHUGAH; Love's Dew the book, there was no stopping me...I had already completed "Lovgistics: The RelationSHIP Series 1-25", released on "Conversations with PHAMLI, that received love and support from so many.  I finally sent SHUGAH to print in 2009 and once I received it back, things just weren't what I wanted them to be. As I looked at what I had written, the book still screamed, "Not Finished - Yet!"  At the time the dissatisfaction of the printing, coupled with the feeling of incompleteness led me to place SHUGAH to rest until God said that it was time to pick it up and move forward with it.

aiza'obid

Although I placed my book on the back burner, I still decided to move forward with the production and recording of SHUGAH and added it to my first CD "Pieces of a Dream", which to this day, continues to bless me each and every time I hear it.   The more that I grew as a woman and the more that God began to reveal to me about love, the more attention I paid to what I wrote, spoke and how I conducted myself within my own life.  I began to ask the father for specific blessings and the more I prayed and left those requests at the altar, the more I began to work on myself on the inside.  I've been asked a thousand times, "Ms McIntosh, what's your secret to a good relationship or how do you make it work when it's not working or how do you stay happy?" amongst many other questions that I've attempted to answer in my blog entries. 

I've never stated that I had the perfect pieces to the puzzle or knew all of the right answers, but what I do have is hope, and I believe that anything worth having if its your desire to having something long term, it's worth the occasional tears, Tuesday sweats and a drop of blood every now and then, if the pros have it.  Indeed

That would be...Ever After...

There does come a point in your life when everything comes together and some things begin to make sense as they start to take form and take their place..It wasn't until 2010 that I decided to open my eyes a little wider, put my hands down while taking the boxing gloves off, adjust my ears to stop translating beauty into ashes, sit still, elevate my feet, start making lemonade, rest my eyes, smile without covering my face and exhale.

Hummm, it's interesting the things that will grow you into who you desire to become.  This year I grew even closer to God than I ever have been in my entire life. Now it's true, that I've been in ministry and I've done this and that, but I came to know His Agape Love in a new and different way.  I was forced to look at each and every decision as a life changing one, nothing that would be just to fill the moments or something to do in the meantime. 

As stubborn as I can be, Yahminah, learned several lessons of her own in self discipline, time, love and yes patience.  I've never been more humbled in my life, and surely have never been so surprised about the things that can happen when you least expect them.  My grandmother Valentine always used to say, "If you still can sit on the porch and rock drinking your lemonade, while waving at the people in the lane, after the storm has beat upon the tin roof  keeping you up all night, then you know you'll be around to see the sun shine again."  She was always a hoot and would have me scratching my head with some of the things that she would say, but they all make sense now! Gracia's grandma, te echo de menos, descanse en paz!

Indeed                                                     After embracing the Sweet Epiphany this year, I  picked up SHUGAH, read through it and was led to rewrite the whole book.  So within this year, I was blessed with what I needed to finally finsish and complete the Love's Dew that would ultimately satisfy my heart and soul.  I was intentional about every short story that revealed another piece of me, every poem that my heart would have the strength enough to paint and every quote that I have found to be most truthful and helpful. This book is a literal lyrical documentary that bowed from the stages of my heart.  From the Diatu'li Menai't (the Book's Dedication) to the piece titled "My Promise" my true promise, I prayed long and hard and asked the Lord to preserve my words and keep them pure and meaningful that they may be echoed throughout my love's history...Although that statement may seem deep to some, but because I am understanding Love more and more each day, I realize how important the words that we speak and the things that we do are.

Our transparencies and ability to be vulnerable keeps us human, while our coping mechanisms can keep us sane.  Expression is the healthiest form of breathing for me, because once you know and understand God's love and love yourself, you can truly and fully share that with someone else.

                                                         My Dearest PHAMLI,

 My earnest desire is that each and every one of you will have the opportunity to read SHUGAH; Love's Dew, which is the first of a series of books.  I want you to tear into the pages of this work, and find something beautiful out of the many pieces that speaks to you and if you have someone special in your life, dedicate it to them, or read the pieces together even.  It's not only a good read, but it's a book that was truly written for a good and clean heart.  There is no pain in SHUGAH, No hatred, No heartache, there is only a genuine and sincere account of how I experience, esxperienced and see love.  So for many who have asked me questions about my life, the book should answer some of those questions for you. Wink. 

To my PHAMLI couples: May you be blessed individually and collectively, take time to pray together and for one another, may you find peace and enjoyment in one another all the days of  your life.  May you live "The Promise", stroll through your journey together with "Happi Pheet", become "Sojourners", Have "Good and Sweet nights", Experience "Zoe" and keep loving one another unconditionally. Indeed

Your attention is a gift. Thank you for supporting me and my work.  To order your copy of SHUGAH; Love's Dew go to http://www.yahminahmcintosh.com/

and to be added to our email list, to be notified of upcoming signings and events email us at wearephamli@yahoo.com 

Until Next Time

Be Well

Belazadu'm

Yahminah McIntosh



The 7th Hour

It was the 6th Hours and life was changing for her. Good Love was just as much apart of her, as her own breath that she would hold at will. "The chime of Life's alarm clock, will wake your soul!"  They all began cheering her on, her sisters NolaEsther and ToscaRuth along with many of which she had touched in some way.  Some were smiling and clapping, others had tears of joy in their eyes, because it was finally her time and others were dancing and waving their hands in the air.  Some even whispered to each other, "She won't make it and it won't happen.", but all she heard was "Bless You" and all she knew, was that her legs were strong enough to take her there...Wherever there was...  She was excited and relieved to be ready to go and happy to finally be on her way.  She was skipping that day, as happy as she could be!  She wanted to prove them all wrong and had been dodging verbal eggs and tomatoes for quite sometime and was ready to finally have eyes clear enough to see the waves in the rays of the sun, bounce off of the rays in the ocean.  She didn't mind the traveling, nor did she mind the hot and cold of it all, but as long as she could rest on the east, she would be alright.

With anticipation she walked forward facing the sunrise and found solace in her reflections...As she wiped her tears away and looked at her compass, she recalled that her seasons had been a long hard and bumpy one, filled with tenebrous tunnels that led to turbulent seas that she didn't have the faith to part, love that seemed to be created and molded from her very rib, death that rode on the heels of her second hand shoes, that were given to her by her mentors and silent trails that were paved with honor that she didn't feel she was worthy enough to reach. There is a lot that she remembered, that would become the lyrics to the songs that she began singing as she continued traveling. The longer she walked, the more she looked for some type of sign that she was getting closer to the ship that would carry her to her destination, but all she could hear is the last call for passengers and the horn that drowned out her anxieties, but no ship was in sight. 

She stood tall and strong, carrying the weight of her own personal victories and pain in her bosom without closure.  She was dressed beautifully as if her garments were woven by poetic angels that were competing for God's favor to be expressed upon the words that they wrote. Her hair now shorter and wavey with copper tones, lacking the length that once held her captive, because of its soul tying energies, she moved quietly amongst the field of sleeping soldiers that she would one day lead.  Armed with her list of dreams, goals and aspirations and dragging her bag of lemons, she stopped alongside a train that had stopped at the end of its tracks in the middle of the sand, facing the wind.  As she began walking on, she heard the sound of violins coming from the train and turned around and stood still, looking through its windows to see who was playing...

Since the sun was now beginning to set again, and her arms were tired, she decided to climb aboard the train and found a comfortable seat on the right side next to the window. When she sat down, she exhaled and exhaled again...And when she looked out of the window, she noticed that most of her lemons were sitting in the sand, exactly where she left them before boarding.  She never meant to stay on the train, but just wanted to see where the beautiful music was coming from.  Everyone knows that she never let her lemons out of her site, and they so enjoyed her special lemonade that she made on Friday nights that was sweetened with her unique 'Luck of Joi Root", Life's sweetener that she discovered while on her knees, recovering from the trials of life.

As she looked around, she found an envelope with her name on it, that said, "You are a light, God Bless and may all good things be unto you."  Puzzled to say the least, she motioned to get up, but fate's seat belt kept her motionless and stable, and after being pulled back in that comfort, she was unwilling to try to fight and stand again.  She noticed that the train began to move, but in the opposite direction of where she was going.  Lord knows what she had to go through in order to try to get close enough to the ship, so that she could finally sail...God only knew, how many mountains that she had to climb, with the weight of the world and those lemons on her back.  How could it be that as far as she traveled and what she had done, that it was all for sport?  She felt as if her wounds were green with no memory of how she got them, and her hope of her destination was a figment of her imagination.  Was she dreaming?  "The chime of Life's alarm clock, will wake your soul!" she heard and she yelled out, "Where am I going, now?", and the violins welcomed a harp and guitar that calmed the turmoil in her spirit and she sat down and became very quiet.  Love was still all around her and it was like her spirit put on boxing gloves and began to fight through it, and laid them down in victory on the lap of her being...Not another word was said. Not another punch thrown, she was just silent...In the wind she heard the under tunes of an old song, "At Last"... 

Was she dreaming? How would she ever get back as close as she was, to finally getting there?  As she looked out of the windows, she noticed a change in scenery and mood, and she knew that she was headed to an unfamiliar place.  With her mind boggled with a million questions and unable to rest, she decided to close her eyes to rest for a while, from all of the traveling she had been doing, during the transitions of the seasons.  Her Winters became Springs, without notice and her Summers dashed into Autumn, before she could fully stand up again and she was made still.  As she began to dream, she felt the hands of God holding her tightly and saw pictures of  beautiful places that she had never seen before. This time peace found her and all of her sadness began to leave her slowly through the comfort of blurred moments.  When she finally woke up, her eyes weren't ready to open, so she moved about cautiously without anything that she was used to having or help to survive...From wall to wall she made her way to and fro, nourishing her mind and body with spiritual pieces that would later restore her.  Not being able to hear the voice, that echoed from what she thought was destiny and had raised her many times before, she stayed buried underneath blankets and quilts, rinsing often from the libation of hope. 

Even with offered plates, placed on her night stand from pity parties that interrupted her space, she remained empty and without substance. As time went on, she learned to appreciate the sound of her own beating heart and the epistle that strength and courage helped her to complete. She hadn't spoken ten words in 4 days and her mind was in a complete state of healing and seeking restoration.   As the train began to slow down, she could feel her spirit opening up and the smell of fresh squeezed lemons filled the air. She could feel color all around her and the thought of feeling good, began to dance around her.  With her eyes still closed and no map or directions given to her, she was afraid for a moment to open her eyes and she began to pray.  As she prayed, the song of miracles filled her heart and she had made peace with wherever she was taken.  She had nothing with her, no baggage, no pain, no ugliness, no complaints, just beauty that poured from the light of her eyes, that she never saw, when they were open...As the train stopped, a pure sense of "It's Your Time", filled her personal space and her weakened knees became strong again...and she felt paint brushes and paint on the seat next to her.  Like times before, she felt no certainty or promise but Life and Purpose...As the alarm clock rang, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes...And when she opened eyes, she saw A Rainbow Restored, Dead Flowers Blooming, Perfection floating amidst Tuesday's Clouds and the Old Her buried far beneath rocks in sight.  Her heart full, her mind clear and her life...Her life...My Life became a canvas...

Well Alright!

It's 4:44 A.M., I'm up and can't sleep...I'm grooving to Marvin Gaye's, "Got to Give it Up"!  I'm excited about something, but don't quite know what it is yet.  And for all of those that know me, who say, "Yahminah, you're always happy about something!", PHAMLI this is different.  When God moves, there is nothing ordinary about His Movement, FAVOR and Placement, believe me!  It's kind of like a feeling that I've never had before, like...the day of a beautiful well planned, ceremony or something...Hummm (Mirbaile) Stay Tuned for that 1 - WINK!  Anyway, I have some good butterflies this early morning and It's All Good. Let it be Unto me!  This is nice!

Today!

Today, I feel better than I ever have, I'm happy, my mind is clear, my hearts in a good place & and I feel good about the Beauty & Promise of this New Season of my Life.  Within a multitude of deep and reflective thoughts, I've found some AHA moments and Epiphanies just a hiding behind closed doors.  I thought about where I've been and what I've done in my life prior to this moment and realized that I have been blessed to have been a pupil of Life's wonderful teaching moments and I'm graduating to a new level of progression.  Today, I've come to understand the awesome principle of stewardship on great levels, I've learned how to accept me and all that I am and have to offer in the best way that only I can and I've learned what the Power of Love in many forms can do, especially the love of self. WOW. WatchoutNAH

On the Inside

I'm changing, I'm renewing and I am being rejuvenated by the Hope of Life.    

I've been humbled, boy have I been humbled, but I'm a blessed woman for it, believe me!  I've been hurt and broken and then healed and restored. I've learned how to be silent, use wisdom, intercede and enjoy my living in seconds.  I've discovered the value in all things that I consider to be important and have found some interesting things in the petals of my own rose.  I have so much to be grateful and thankful for and I have decided to live my life thankfully...There's something new behind this smile, so GET READY!  I'm Moving forward and about, Navigating through Destiny as I am called.  I'm getting focused, planning, preparing and have found a NUJOI at my center.  My faith is stronger than it has ever been and I'm coming out...the new box that I willfully created, because as people of Light, when we change, we grow and oftentimes reach a level of comfort, in a box where we begin to dress the walls like windows. (Get that somebody!) 

Ease on Down!

I'm Skipping around the atmosphere in the Spirit, Singing, "Can You Feel a Brand New Day", from the WIZ! I'm Smiling, Clapping & Laughing and checking on the Vision, and reminding it that I have faith!  It's all good and no matter what's not, I know will be and whatever I don't have that I desire, I will have. There's no stopping me, and nothing that I will claim as a Hindrance, because right now today at this moment, right at this specific time, It's all good, and It's well with my soul.  Restoration, is that you!

Spoken Words

So, as the sun began to rise, I stood in the middle of my bedroom and looked around me and began to speak what I wanted to see and happen in my life.  So once I was done, waking everyone else in the house, lol! I took out my journal and wrote, "Where I wanted to be in 4 months:..."  The more I wrote, the more specific I became, specifying makes, models, colors, directions, sizes, levels, etc...You name it, I wrote it!  I'm so looking forward to what's about to happen in this season that I can hardly contain myself. Actually, just today, I was told that I was glowing...and you know what I AM.  

My Dearest PHAMLI,

  Although, I may not know all of you, I love you in spirit and want nothing but the best for you and your lives. I wanted to share this with you, as I know that there are many of you out there who are coming to some resolves in your life, entering new seasons, and understanding the seasons that you just came out of.  Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, see or experience in your life, begin making a list and writing the Vision for YOUR Life.  Make it plain enough to understand, so that when you refer back to it, as you grow, your journey will become even clearer.  If you feel stuck, walk to a mirror and call things that were not as though they were and say (in the spirit of the movie the 6th sense), "I see Powerful People!" I hope that you develop an allergy to Negativity and I pray that you embrace the spirit of positivity.  Learn any and everything that you can from the lessons that life has to teach you. Please Be a good steward of what the Creator Invests in you and Keep it Positive and Moving...Always.  

P.S.-Since no one is promised tomorrow, I will say that if it be the Father's will to allow me to see 2011, I guarantee that It's ON! In a good way ofcourse!

I send this positive energy to all who will receive it, may Goodness, Grace, Power and Mercy Rest Upon you!

With the Best Intentions

Belazadu'm

Yahminah McIntosh